Kat Cosgrove recently had a tweet that hit home:
I haven’t taken any meaningful time off of work in the last 14 months because it feels kinda pointless. I’m just going to be sitting at home thinking about work so I might as well be doing work. Invariably, what I fear is happening while I’m not at work is much worse than what is actually happening. Yay, anxiety!
But also, there’s some guilt when you’re paid to work in a community where a lot of people are volunteering. I don’t feel like I can say “hey, it’s after my work hours” because many in my community only participate outside of their work hours. Add to that the global nature of open source communities and that means that there’s always something to devote my time to.
I think it would be easier to come in as an outsider who is just doing the job for a paycheck. But working in a community where you previously volunteered makes the urge to be around all the time so much stronger. It can be really hard to set boundaries because it feels like you’re devaluing the donated time of others.
It’s a blessing and a curse. I happen to think I’m pretty good at my job (and the fact that I’m anything other than a failure should tell you something) and I know that’s because it’s more than a paycheck to me. But that’s also what makes it so hard to draw boundaries.
My manager (who is very good at reminding me to take care of myself) recently compared it to working for a startup. Everyone pitches in wherever they can, even when it’s not on the job description. That’s incredibly true in open source projects, except there’s no exit. It’s not like you’re working hard now so you’ll get a stupid-large pile of cash when a big company acquires you or you have an IPO. If the project is successful it…keeps being a startup forever.
For now, I’m holding up pretty well. I’m balancing working too much with non-work interests (even if a lot of them look like work to the outside observer). But I wonder how long that can hold. And I wonder how others in a similar position make it work over the long term.