What is a successful season in sports?

Posted on March 23, 2023 by Ben Cotton

If you follow men’s college basketball at all, you’re certainly aware that my alma mater’s team was on the wrong end of an upset last weekend. It’s not hyperbolic to call it the worst upset in NCAA Tournament history. The team won its conference by three games and then went on to win the conference tournament for good measure. It has the National Player of the Year frontrunner. It reached a #1 ranking in the polls for a large portion of the season. But it got embarrassed in the first round by a team that only made the tournament because the rightful participant wasn’t eligible. Was this a successful season?

Purdue’s success (or lack)

Most Purdue fans seem to say “no”. I’m one of them, maybe. Purdue has more Big Ten titles than any other team. It’s nice to get another, but NCAA Tournament success has been more elusive. My parents hadn’t met the last time Purdue was in the men’s Final Four. In 18 seasons as head coach, Matt Painter has reached the Sweet 16 six times (including one Elite Eight appearance). Excluding 2020 which had no tournament (although it’s likely that Purdue might have missed the cut), Purdue is twice as likely to reach the Sweet 16 than to miss the tournament field. That sounds pretty successful.

But in the last three years, Purdue has lost to double-digit seeds — twice in the first round! Even though you have to earn a high seed to have the opportunity to get embarrassed like that, it’s hard to call that a success.

This was supposed to be a rebuilding year. Purdue was picked pre-season to finish in the middle of the conference. Instead, they went 21-1 in November through January. They not only won the conference outright, but by the largest margin in nearly a decade. In that context, it seems like a successful season.

That team down south

Indiana’s men’s basketball fans are asking the same question. The Indianapolis Star ran an article (subscribers only) asking “[w]as IU basketball’s season a success?” Like Purdue, IU had a dominant post player who put up historic numbers. Unlike Purdue, IU was predicted to win the conference (they finished in a tie for second). Unlike Purdue, IU didn’t win a regular season or tournament title. Neither the coach nor the star player received individual awards. Sounds like a disappointing season.

On the other hand, they lost a key player to Injury early in the season and a second one missed several games early in conference play. A team that started January on a three-game skid and 4-6 in the last 10 games pulled together to sweep their rivals (the aforementioned three-game-margin conference champs). That’s something to celebrate. And they made it to the second round of the tournament for the first time since 2016 after missing four in a row (they’d probably have made the 2020 tournament, had it happened). But this is a program that has won the NCAA Tournament five times, so making the second round is not particularly great by historical standards.

Was the 2022–23 season a success? As Tyler Tachman wrote in the Star,

The reality is the intricacies of this season make it difficult to put a singular, binding label on it right now. It is not an undoubted success, nor a clear failure. Perhaps it is somewhere in between.

What is success?

When I was 12, my Little League team went undefeated through the regular season. In the finals, we faced a team that had gone winless in the regular season but got hot at the end. They ended up beating us. Were they better? Probably not. We went on to win the district tournament — clobbering the team that was the consensus favorite — and finished with a 19-1 record. But we lost the league tournament.

Any single-elimination tournament involves a lot of luck. One bad night and you’re done. How often is the tournament champion truly the “best” team? You have to be good to win, but you also have to be very lucky. The former you can control, the latter you can’t.

If pressed, I’d choose having long-term success over a few good days in a row. Of course, I’d rather have both. As Purdue fans “sit in it” (as Matt Painter said) this off season, we have to think about what our expectations are and how we define success.

There’s no right answer here. I doubt we’ll even reach a general consensus. Nobody wants to lose, but maybe we’d all be a lot better off if we (meaning the broader culture) stopped using narrow, short-term definitions of success.

Ed. note: for further thoughts on this, I recommend Doug Masson’s “That Purdue loss” and “Indiana Basketball: 2022–23” posts (plus their comments). I repurposed my comment on the former for parts of this post.

A sign of the times: basketball coaches speak up

Posted on January 13, 2021 by Ben Cotton

I recently read an article in the local newspaper. Purdue men’s basketball coach Matt Painter was talking about the difference in how Black Lives Matter protesters were handled versus the insurrectionists who invaded the Capitol. Specifically, he said:

It’s just the double standard more than anything. America needs to see that—especially white America—and see the double standard that’s been going on for years. For that to happen, just makes you sick to your stomach.

This struck me as a significant statement. Not so much for what he said (which I agree with wholeheartedly), but the fact that he said it. I’ve never met Matt Painter. I know very little about him personally. This is probably by design. I don’t remember Painter offering much of a public opinion on anything that isn’t directly related to his basketball program in the decade and a half he’s been at Purdue.

For him to go on record with a statement like this, particularly in a right-leaning state like Indiana, is a sign of how the conversation has shifted. 2020 brought a lot of “hidden” things to the fore. I’m glad to see that basketball coaches, even generally tight-lipped ones, are comfortable making statements like this.

A few hours to the south, the University of Kentucky defended players kneeling for the national anthem in response to the insurrection. In fact, UK coach John Calipari joined his players in kneeling. A local sheriff burned his UK shirts and called for Calipari to be fired. Officials in another Kentucky county unanimously called for public funding to be pulled from the University.

To be sure, there’s an element of self-serving here. NCAA basketball players are disproportionately black, so Painter and Calipari are appealing to their target audiences. But they both coach in states that are both very into basketball and very conservative. It’s likely that a significant portion of fans (and donors) don’t share their views. They are using their privilege to speak up to an audience that may not want to hear the message.

One could certainly argue that these acts are insufficient on their own. I agree and acknowledge that I don’t know what else they may do more quietly. And this won’t solve the problem, but shows that acknowledging racial disparity in policing is mainstream. This is encouraging. We must first recognize problems before we can fix them. Coaches, who generally try to avoid controversy, using their platform to speak up is a good first step.

Purdue football predictions — 2011 edition

Posted on September 3, 2011 by Ben Cotton

I was much more enthusiastic at this time last year. Many people are quick to explain away Purdue’s lousy 2010 season with the inexplicable rash of injuries, and there’s no doubt that the ever-growing list of disabled players was a significant factor. Unlike some, though, I haven’t absolved Danny Hope of blame. There have been too many questionable decisions and failures of fundamentals to think that this season will be as rosy as Hope seems to think. While there are some very talented players on the roster (Ricardo Allen may be the most exciting member of the Purdue secondary since Stu Schweigert), but there are a lot of questions hanging over this team.

Perhaps the largest is one of offensive identity. Despite the loss of Rob Henry to an ACL injury, Hope insists on running a two-quarterback scheme. I just don’t see that big of a difference between Caleb TerBush and Robert Marve that would justify this. Pick the best one and go with him until someone else is better. We’ll see how it plays out, but I have serious concerns and hope that Hope will settle this sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, let’s look at the schedule and see how badly I do. Admittedly, I’m surprised that I came up with six wins here. I figured 4-5 would be more likely.

Vs Middle Tennessee State: MTSU is 0-2 against the Big Ten, including a loss to a comically bad Minnesota squad last year. Still, they did make a bowl game last year, something that Purdue can’t claim. There’s no reason that Purdue should lose this game, but there is a recent pattern of losing at least home game against a team that should have been an easy victory. Purdue should win this one by double digits, but the game will be closer than the scoreboard indicates.

At Rice: A long road trip to hot conditions have some fans scared. Rice is no Texas juggernaut, and if Purdue shows up to play, this should be a win. The big concern is that the team isn’t well-hydrated and everyone falls over from cramps sometime in the 3rd quarter. The large Purdue contingent in Houston should give the Boilers a boost.

Vs Southeast Missouri State: If Purdue loses this game, I’m calling Morgan Burke.

Vs Notre Dame: It pains me to say this, but the Domers may be pretty good this year. Last year in South Bend, the Boilers looked incredibly lackluster, perhaps due in part to the fact that Robert Marve was still getting used to playing football again. Purdue hasn’t lost the Shillelagh four straight years since the mid-’90s, but I don’t have much hope for this game.

Vs Minnesota: Gopher fans have to be pleased with the fact that Tim Brewster is gone. Jerry Kill has beaten Purdue before (as the head coach of Northern Illinois in 2009), but he doesn’t have much to work with. Purdue’s defense might get tested a bit, but this game should be a win.

At Penn State: The first Leaders division game is a doozy. Penn State looks to be competing for the division title (especially if aOSU ends up with a post-season ban from the NCAA), whereas Purdue isn’t. Last year’s Lion squad was a bit of a disappointment, but I like them to be an 8-9 win team this season. It’s not out of the question, but I can’t see Purdue winning this one.

Vs Illinois: You can never tell what the Illini will do. Ron Zook is eternally on the hot seat, only to have his team do well enough to keep him around one more year. Last year, Purdue absolutely crapped the bed in Chambana, and I’d hope the coaching staff will remind them of that. Even in down years, Purdue tends to do well against the Illini at home and especially on homecoming. This will not be an easy win, but I expect it will be a win.

At Michigan: Brady Hoke was a smart hire for the Wolverines, but he still has to clean up from the RichRod era. If Michigan’s not bowl-eligible by the time this game rolls around, this might seal the deal. No matter what may be happening in Ann Arbor, the fact that Purdue has only won there one time in forty years does not bode well for the Boilers.

At Wisconsin: Wisconsin has outscored Purdue 71-13 in the past two years and Bret Bielma has not developed a reputation for mercy. The Badgers will contend for the Big Ten title and potentially be in the national title picture. Coming away from this game without being embarrassed will be about all Purdue fans can ask for.

Vs Ohio State: Last year’s game in Columbus was an atrocity. It was to be expected after the upset Purdue pulled in 2009. Will this year’s game in Ross-Ade be a repeat of said upset? There’s at least a chance, as it remains to be seen how the Buckeyes respond to their off-season drama. No matter what the rest of the country hopes, this won’t be a terrible team. Although Purdue has a chance to win, they probably won’t.

Vs Iowa: According to Jim Delaney, the Hawkeye’s are Purdue’s Most Hated Rival. Without Ricky Stanzi, Iowa is less of a threat. This team won’t be a failure, but assuming Purdue hasn’t all of the skill players again, the Boilers should win this game.

At Indiana: I hate saying anything good about IU, but the fact is they have the Bucket right now. Hoosier fans have good reasons to feel positive. Although they won’t have a great team this year, they seem to be headed in the right direction. They haven’t won the Bucket in two consecutive years since ’93-’94. Purdue will want this game, but here in September, I’m not convinced that Purdue will have enough at the end of November to win in Bloomington. It will be a close game, and either team can win, but I think IU gets this one. I sure hope I’m wrong.

Overall record: 6-6

Conference record: 3-5

Leaders division record: 1-4

The NCAA: stupid or really stupid?

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Ben Cotton

There are few coaches in basketball that are so widely respected for both coaching ability and all-around-good-guyness as Michigan State’s Tom Izzo. This is what makes his recent one-game suspension a thing of stupidity. Izzo was punished for violating a new NCAA rule because someone “associated with a potential recruit” worked for a week at an MSU basketball camp for middle schoolers. The amount this person was paid? $475. For services rendered, no less. I have a friend who works at Purdue and her cousin is on a team. Are we breaking the rules, too?

What makes this even more appalling is the lack of punishment for Cam Newton and several other Ohio State football players. I’m willing to grant that the NCAA was unable to prove that Newton was involved in the dealing, and that no money apparently changed hands, but the same can’t be said for the Ohio State players who traded memorabilia in exchange for cash and services. These players have all been handed five game suspensions, but they won’t be in effect until the 2011 season. This means that they’ll still be playing in their bowl game on Saturday, and some of them will be in the NFL next year, which means they effectively face no punishment at all.

I feel bad for the student athletes. They’re unable to make any money off their own effort while everyone around them is getting rich, but they’re subject to the arbitrary and capricious rulings of the NCAA.

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 14

Posted on December 3, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans! Last week’s big loser sure wasn’t the BCS. The moment Nevada upset Boise St., the BCS no longer was in the uncomfortable position of having to make excuses for excluding the Broncos from even the possibility of a championship. Of course, it’s also worth noting that Nevada lost about a million dollars in bowl revenue by beating Boise. Speaking of teams not in a BCS Bowl, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez was publicly mocked by a pop star this week after the coach cried during the end of the season banquet. Fortunately for Rodriguez, the season isn’t over for the Wolverines, they’ll have a bowl to play in for the first time in three years. The regular season isn’t over for some teams, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Illinois at Fresno State

Ron Zook’s tribe looked to be headed for a decent bowl game, until they suffered a late season collapse. On Friday night, they’ll travel to Bulldog Stadium to take on the Central Valley pups. The mutts haven’t fared very well against quality opponents, and they’ll need more than just a fierce bark to keep the visitors out of the end zone. Beonard’s loser? Fresno State

Oregon at Oregon State

With a victory in the Civil War, the Corvallis chompers could wind up in the postseason. To do that, they’ll need to pluck an explosive flock of Ducks. Chip Kelly’s birds will play for the national championship if they win this game, so don’t expect them to overlook their rivals. It’s hard to see that this game could even be close. Beonard’s loser? Oregon State

Auburn vs South Carolina

With the rules questions for their quarterback solved, the Tigers can focus on winning the SEC Championship. If they do that, they’ll play for the national crown in January. First, they’ll need to get past Steve Spurrier’s chickens who want to get their first SEC title. When these teams first met, the cats won by a touchdown. This game may be closer, but the outcome will be the same. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, South Carolina

Florida State vs Virginia Tech

After losing their first two games, the Hokies reeled off 10 straight to win the ACC Coastal. They’ll go for the conference title against a Seminole squad with two conference losses. Both teams average just under 18 points allowed per game, so it’ll be up to the offenses to tip the scales. The turkeys have scored at least 26 points in every game since the beginning of October, but the tribe average just three points per game fewer. It’ll be close, but I think Frank Beamer has things worked out. Beonard’s Loser? In a close one, Florida State

Oklahoma vs Nebraska

It’s been rare lately to see balance between the Big XII North and South, but that’s exactly what we have this year. Bo Pelini would like to take the Big XII title before the shuckers move to the Big Ten next year, but Bob Stoops has the wagons circled. It’ll be a tale of two offenses, with the southerners in the air and the north on the ground, but in this battle, the south wins. Beonard’s loser? Nebraska

And how about the one game from next week?

Army vs Navy

The Midshipmen sail into Philadelphia next week hoping to extend their streak to nine games. Army seems to be at a disadvantage, though, gaining 40 fewer yards per game on the ground than their nautical counterparts. This may be one of the oldest and fiercest rivalries in college football, but it’s becoming a little one-sided these days. Beonard’s loser? Army

Well, friends, that wraps up this season of Beonard’s Losers. I’m sad to say that this will be my last. It has been a real pleasure doing this, and I hope there is someone else out there who will continue the memory of Leonard Postosties, the world’s foremost pigskin prognosticator. Get me out of here, Percy.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 13

Posted on November 26, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Howdy, football fans! The end of the season is almost upon us. Many teams play their final games this weekend. For some teams, the final game is for pride, but many teams are playing for bowl positioning or even a chance at the the BCS Championship. So let’s take a look at this week’s game.

Auburn at Alabama

One of the best SEC West games this season has no bearing on the division. Gene Chizik’s cats have clinched a seat in the SEC championship game, so now they’re playing to keep their likely spot in the BCS Championship game. To do that, they’ll have to hold off the Tide in Bryant-Denny Stadium. The Tigers have relied on their offense to outscore the opponent, but this game will depend on the defense. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Alabama.

Arizona at Oregon

Mike Stoops brings his kittens into Autzen Stadium on Friday afternoon with one goal in mind: to pluck the Ducks and ruin their bid for the BCS Championship. Chip Kelly’s flock had only 15 points two weeks ago against, Cal, but they’re still averaging over 50 points per game. This may be the most explosive offense ever, and the Sun Devil defense just won’t be able to contain it. Beonard’s loser? Arizona

Northwestern at Wisconsin

Bret Bielma’s Badger boys have their eyes on the Rose Bowl, but to get there, they’ll need the three-way tie at the top of the Big Ten to continue. Their mission is to dispatch the purple kittens heading north from Evanston. Pat Fitzgerald’s squad is missing their starting quarterback, so they puts them in a tough spot. The cheeseheads have been nearly untouchable in Camp Randall Stadium this year, and it’s unlikely they’ll get cat scratch fever. Beonard’s loser? Northwestern

Michigan State at Penn State

Mark Dantonio’s spear-toters nearly saw their Rose Bowl chances slip away last week against a lousy Purdue squad, and they’ll have to be a little more careful in State College if they want to stay in the race. JoePa has announced that he has at least one more season in Happy Valley, and he’ll need it to end the season on a high note. The Nittany kitties are winless against ranked teams this year, and Sparty will make sure that trend continues. Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Iowa at Minnesota

The gilded rodents stunned the football world with a surprise victory over Illinois two weeks ago. They’ll close the season by hosting the Hawkeyes in TCF Bank Stadium. Iowa needs to snap a two-game slide to get a better bowl berth, and they’ve got an easy opponent to face. But at the Illini learned, the rodents may be down, but they’re still capable of a nasty bite. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Michigan at Ohio State

RichRod may have gotten the Wolverines back into the postseason, but there’s still an important goal he has not met. The Columbus sweatervests own a 6-game streak in The Game, and it’s become a sore issue in Ann Arbor. The visitors have the offense to keep up with the nuts, but the defenses couldn’t be further apart. A win today could keep the Bucs in a BCS Bowl, so don’t expect to see an upset in the Horseshoe. Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Notre Dame at USC

Brian Kelly ends his troubled first season on the road Saturday in Troy. The Papal pigskinners will go to a bowl this year, even if they lose this and end up 6-6, but they’d much rather get the win. Both teams have unimpressive resumes, minus a pair of upsets on November 13. In this case, I have to go with the home team. Beonard’s loser? Notre Dame

Indiana at Purdue

Both teams nearly pulled off an upset last week. Instead, they’ll both stay home for Christmas and settle for battling for the Old Oaken Bucket. The boys from Basketballtown have won this trophy twice in the past decade, and not in the West Lafayette switchin’ station since 1996. Strength will be set against strength and weakness against weakness, but the train always has plenty fo steam for this game. Danny Hope’s squad will clear the tracks, and perhaps rid Bill Lynch of the burdens of employment. Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Well, friends, that’s all I have for you this week, come back again next week when we’ll have more losers.

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 12

Posted on November 19, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Howdy, football fans! I apologize for missing last week, but it worked out well for me. Who would have expected Minnesota to win a game? Or for Utah to lose to Notre Dame? For that matter, does anyone expect that Bret Bielma will be voted ‘Most Popular’ by the other Big Ten coaches after running up the score against Indiana? Wisconsin may still actually be scoring points from last week’s game. But we’ve got football on the baseball field and coaches trying to keep the paycheck coming, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Wisconsin at Michigan

Bret Bielma’s Badger Boys look to keep their Rose Bowl hopes alive in their last road game of the season. With two straight wins, RichRod moves to .500 in the Big Ten this season and, mo re importantly, keeps himself from getting thrown to the curb. The hometown animals will need to use every bit of their offensive prowess to stay in this game, as the cheeseheads have made it clear what they do to lousy defenses. Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Purdue at Michigan State

Danny Hope’s bartenders have the distinction of being the only team that failed to score an offensive touchdown against one of the country’s worst defenses. They’ll have to do better than that if they want to pull off an upset in East Lansing on Saturday. Mark Dantonio’s spear-toters need this win to remain the front-runners for a trip to Pasadena. I don’t see a scenario where they don’t decimate the visitors. Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Penn State vs Indiana

Bill Lynch will try to salvage the season, and potentially his job, this weekend. He can thank the IU athletic department for this game being played in Landover, Maryland instead of Bloomington, and that probably won’t do his team any favors. Joe Pa’s kittens have had a rough time getting to the end zone this year, but against a team that gave up 83 points last week, they should do fine. Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Ohio State at Iowa

The birds would like nothing more than to help determine the Big Ten champion by knocking off Jim Tressel’s nuts in Kinnick Stadium. Two of the top 10 scoring defenses in country will make this game one for the ages, but Kirk Ferentz will need more reliable offensive production than he’s seen if he hopes to keep from breaking his beak. Beonard’s loser? Iowa

Illinois at Northwestern

This may be the most embarrassing game of football played all season, and it has nothing to do with the players. Due to safety concerns at Wrigley Field, both teams will try for the same end zone for the entire game. With Northwestern’s quarterback out for the season, I can only guess that the Illini signal caller will be under center for both teams. Maybe we’ll just have a game of two-hand touch. Beonard’s loser? Northwestern, the Big Ten, and football fans everywhere

Army vs Notre Dame

In another football-game-played-in-a-baseball-stadium moment of brilliance, Army takes on the Fighting Irish in Yankee Stadium. At least there’s enough room there for two end zones. Army is in the unusual position of being able to prevent Notre Dame from becoming bowl eligible while having already qualified themselves. Unfortunately for the Black Knights, the task may not prove as easy as some of their other wins have been. Still, Brian Kelly’s squad has shown the ability to lose badly to service academies, so all is not lost for the West Pointers. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Army.

Well, friends, that’s all I can muster this week. Come back again next week when we’ll have some Thanksgiving losers.

to the Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 10

Posted on November 5, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans! I must apologize for last week’s embarrassing performance. In my defense, who would have expected Michigan State and Missouri to lay an egg on the same weekend? And who could have foreseen Tulsa defeating Notre Dame — an outcome that will no doubt put a bit more pressure on Brian Kelly. Undoubtedly, the tragic death of Declan Sullivan weighed on the minds of those in the Indiana Vatican last weekend, and we here at Beonard’s Losers offer our condolences. Still, in the wake of tragedy, the show goes on, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Wisconsin at Purdue

Danny Hope’s battered squad lost another player to a season-ending injury last weekend. The Badgers, meanwhile, are well-rested and in a four-way race for the Big Ten title. Is there a word for when a derailed train goes further off the tracks? Because that’s what we’ll see in Ross-Ade Stadium. Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Minnesota at Michigan State

Mark Dantonio’s squad decided to take their bye week a few Saturdays early. That’s the only explanation for their terrible performance in Iowa City. Fortunately, they’re still tied for the lead in the Big Ten with a easy schedule to finish the season. They’ll probably take out their frustration on a pack of rodents that seems to have given up all hope, having lost eight straight and their coach. This won’t be pretty, but hopefully the spear-toters will skewer the groundhogs quickly. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Iowa at Indiana

Fans of both teams will recall the near-victory by the Hoosiers in Iowa City last year. Kirk Ferentz will look to avoid the need for any more miracles when he swoops into Bloomington on Saturday. If the birds can use their rigid defense to stop the potent passing attack of the basketballers, their offense will peck the home team to death. Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Illinois at Michigan

Ron Zook’s tribe may have three losses this year, but they’re all to teams in the top 15 of the BCS standings as of this week. Two of Michigan’s three losses have come against top-tier teams, too, but they’re on a bit of a slide lately. A win on Saturday keeps the folks in Ann Arbor from grabbing their pitchforks, but RichRod won’t escape that easily. Even if the Wolverines can put their offense in gear, the defense will do them in. Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Baylor at Oklahoma State

Baylor leads the Big XII South. Let that sink in for a moment. Baylor leads the Big XII South, but the Cowboys are gunning for that spot. To do that, they’ll use their 45 points-per-game offense. But the Bears aren’t so easy to take down: their offense can rack up the points too, and their defense is about what you’d expect from an angry ursine. The balls will be flying in Boone Pickens Stadium, and the ranch hands will eventually tame the wild beast. Beonard’s loser? Baylor

TCU at Utah

Two undefeated teams battle for the right to be completely ignored by the BCS on Saturday. Both sides have been prone to obliterating opponents, which isn’t too surprising given the kind of competition they’ve faced. Kyle Whittingham would love to win one last Mountain West championship before moving to the Pac 10, but he’ll find the Frogs too Horny on Saturday. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Utah

Northwestern at Penn State

JoePa is looking for his 400th win this weekend, and it would be great to see that happen in Happy Valley. Perhaps it might even be enough to quiet the rumbles coming out of State College all season. The Evanston kittens are capable of ruining those plans, though, so the hometown cats had better stay on their toes. The fur will fly, but in the end the visitors will need to find their own litter box. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Northwestern

Alabama at LSU

It’s a race to stay relevant in the SEC West on Saturday when the tide roll into Tiger Stadium to take on the bayoux bengals. A win keeps Nick Saban and company in control of their own destiny, since a date with Auburn still awaits. For Les Miles, a win just means he still has the chance to get lucky. This will be a very interesting game and it should come down to which team’s offense will be able to move the ball, but by the end of the game, the Gumps will have caught a Tiger by the toe. Beonard’s loser? LSU

Okay, friends, that’s all the Smart Pill Machine gave me this week. Come back again next week for more losers.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 9

Posted on October 29, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Howdy, football fans! This is the part where I’d make a few humorous remarks about the previous week, but the Smart Pill Machine is on the fritz this week, and I can’t get much out of it. Before I waste what I do have, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Northwestern at Indiana

The purple kittens head into Basketballtown with the intention of breaking a two-game losing streak. Bill Lynch’s squad will be defending their hopes of becoming bowl-eligible later this season in addition to defending the rock. Unfortunately for the home team, defending is not something they’ve done much of this year. It should be offense-versus-offense, and I think the felines are a bit more offensive. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Indiana

Purdue at Illinois

Danny Hope may have to start his fourth-string quarterback in Champaign on Saturday, which gives the tribe’s tomahawks an extra glint. Ron Zook’s squad has allowed less than thirteen points per game against unranked opponents, and they should have no problem derailing the iron horse. Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Tulsa at Notre Dame

The Indiana Vatican turns into the Golden Corral this weekend when the Golden Hurricane sweeps in to take on the golden domers. After a tough loss to Navy, Brian Kelly finds himself going to confession for the fourth time this season. The typhoon’s offense may be cause for alarm, but even the mediocre Notre Dame offense can score against the cyclones. Beonard’s loser? Tulsa

Michigan State at Iowa

After blowing last week’s game, Kirk Ferentz and his eglets look to remain in the hunt for the Big Ten title. To remain relevant, they’ll have to break the spears of the Spartans. This is the last game standing between Mark Dantonio and an easy road to Pasadena, so don’t expect the visitors to be spending too much time on tourism. The Hawkeyes have a stout defense, but they won’t be able to contain the rushing soldiers. Beonard’s loser? Iowa

Missouri at Nebraska

The Columbia cats silenced their critics last weekend by upsetting Oklahoma, and they’ll try to cement the Big XII North with a win over the shuckers on Saturday. Of course, the home team wouldn’t mine one last title before they jump to the Big Twen next year. Neither team has been very stingy against ranked teams, but the Mizzou defense is a little bit ahead of the Land of Lincoln. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Missouri

Oregon at USC

The Ducks may be number one in the hearts of the voters, but the computers keep them in the silver medal spot. A convincing win in the Los Angeles Coliseum just might fix that problem. Lane Kiffin’s defense is going to need their best performance if they’re going to stop a team that hasn’t scored less than 40 points in a game this season. On Saturday, we’ll witness the fall of Troy. Beonard’s loser? USC

Ohio State at Minnesota

After blowing off some steam against Purdue, Jim Tressel takes his nuts to TCF Bank Stadium to take on the tarnished rodents. This hardly seems like a fair fight, and if the Gophers have any dignity intact at the end of the game, I’ll eat my britches. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Michigan at Penn State

Last year, Michigan started 5-0 before ending with 7-game losing streak. This year, Michigan started 5-0 and is on a 2-game losing streak that they desperately need to snap in Beaver Stadium. Happy Valley isn’t very happy these days, with grumbles about whether or not it’s time for JoePa to retire. If he wants to stick around another year, he’ll have to make sure he defense tightens up to contain the Michigan offense, but the Penn State offense needs some work too. Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Well, friends, that’s all I’ve got for you this week. Come back again next week for more losers!

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 8

Posted on October 22, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans! The football world is starting to come into sharper focus. Except nobody has any clue who the top team in the country really is. Fortunately, I’m here to help you sort through the confusion, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Michigan State at Northwestern

Sparty finds itself at the top of the Big Televen this week, and will keep that in mind on Saturday. The purple kittens have had a week off to recover from their unexpected loss to Purdue, and they’ll need all eight of their remaining lives to survive this game. Michigan State is due for a stumble, but they’ll make it out of Evanston unharmed. Beonard’s loser? Northwestern

Purdue at Ohio State

The West Lafayette locomotive has picked up a head of steam, and Danny Hope will need the fire going full blast as he tries to clear the tracks of some Ohio trees. After a punishing loss in Madison, Jim Tressel’s nuts need to avoid getting kicked in a repeat of last year’s “Purdue Harbor” upset. Don’t count the bartenders out of this game, but I wouldn’t put much money on them either. Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Penn State at Minnesota

With the Valley less Happy these days, Joe Pa probably welcomes the chance to go on the road against a team that his kittens can use as a scratching post. With a mid-season dismissal of Tim Brewster, the Gopher leadership has shown that they’ve given up on this season. Don’t expect to see much heart from the players either. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Indiana at Illinois

After three straight weeks of playing “State” teams, Ron Zook heads back to the Chambana campground for the easier portion of the conference schedule. Up first is an Indiana team that struggled to beat Arkansas State at home last weekend. The tribe have been tough defensively, and could prove problematic for the basketballers’ potent passing attack. Bill Lynch needs two more wins to get the Hoosiers to their second bowl game this millennium, but that won’t happen this week. Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Notre Dame vs Navy

After 43 straight losses, the Midshipmen are 2-1 against the Domers in the past three years. Brian Kelly hopes to even the score in East Rutherford Saturday afternoon and extend the longest winning streak in his Notre Dame career. Although neither team has been offensively potent, expect the Navy rushing attack to run all over the Pope’s boys. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Notre Dame

LSU at Auburn

It’s Tiger-on-Tiger action as two unbeatens fight for control of the SEC West in Jordan-Hare Stadium. Auburn has allowed at least 27 points in conference games against teams not named “Mississippi State”, so they’ll need to put their 40.7 points-per-game offense to good use. Unfortunately, LSU boasts the nation’s 11th best scoring defense. On the other hand, Les Miles has had some remarkably bad clock management practices, and I still expect LSU’s luck to break at any time. Beonard’s loser? LSU

Wisconsin at Iowa

After uprooting the Buckeyes, Bret Bielma’s Badger boys head into Iowa City to try to ground Kirk Ferentz’s flock. This game should be a slugfest, but it will be hard to knock the Hawkeyes out of their nest. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Wisconsin

Nebraska at Oklahoma State

The Cowboys have ridden to a 6-0 record on the backs of their trusty steed “Passing Offense”. On Saturday, they’ll welcome their first ranked opponent into Boone Pickens Stadium. The shuckers have an an easy start themselves, which has allowed them to reel off over 300 yards per game on the ground. This game comes down to defense, then, and the cowpokes haven’t exactly been the best of shots. Beonard’s loser? Oklahoma State

Oklahoma at Missouri

Thanks to Wisconsin, the Sooners find themselves at the top of the BCS rankings this week, and they’ll try to hold on to that position when they head into Columbia Saturday night. Gary Pinkel’s squad has some good stats through the first half of the season, but their resume is pretty weak. Expect Bob Stoops to expose a few flaws in the Tigers. Beonard’s loser? Missouri

That’s all we’ve got time for this week. Tune in again next week to catch more losers.

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