Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 6

Posted on October 8, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Howdy, football fans! It’s hard to believe we’re at Week 6 already. Is the season shaping up the way you thought it would? I’m sure Brian Kelly expected to have more than two wins at this point, and very few people expected an undefeated Michigan. Mark Dantonio probably didn’t anticipate being hospitalized twice, but Danny Hope may have foreseen Purdue’s injury woes based on the play-calling we’ve seen so far. But the past is behind us, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Indiana at Ohio State

Bill Lynch’s basketball stars have proven that they can score points — they rank 13th in points for, and 4th in passing yards — but they’ll have a tough time against a Buckeye squad that only allows 14 points per game. Jim Tressel’s nuts have seen the end zone a few times themselves, ranking 8th in points scored, which could prove to be a challenge for the mediocre Hoosier defense. This is proving to be a good year for the Hoosiers, but they won’t like what happens in the Horseshoe. Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Minnesota at Wisconsin

The gilded rodents tunnel into Camp Randall Stadium on Saturday to try to get their paws on Paul Bunyan’s Axe for the first time since 2003. Their best hope is to catch the cheese eaters still licking their wounds from last week’s loss to Sparty, but Tim Brewster’s squad hasn’t shown themselves to be much good at anything. Bret Bielma’s Badger boys have been outscoring their opponents pretty well so far, and the axe will likely stay in Madison another year. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Illinois at Penn State

Ron Zook’s tribe prepare for battle in Happy Valley on Saturday, looking better than they have in the past few years. They hope to get the pelt of a sleeping kitty, but Joe Pa sleeps very lightly. Although the Lion offense has sputtered, the defense has held unranked opponents to 9 points per game — just what you’d expect from Linebacker U. This may be a rebuilding year for the Pennsylvania pussycats, but they’ll have no problem chasing away the Indians. Beonard’s loser? Illinois

Alabama at South Carolina

The Tide continue to roll thanks to their nation-best defense and high-scoring offense. This weekend, they’ll try to flood the Gamecocks out of Williams-Brice Stadium. Steve Spurrier needs this win to keep the Gainesville reptiles within pecking distance. This should be a fine SEC matchup, but I don’t think the home team can stop the rising waters. Beonard’s loser? South Carolina

Michigan State at Michigan

Separated by one spot in both polls, these in-state rivals prepare for season-defining battle in the Big House. RichRod has leaned heavily on his rabid quarterback to make up for the anemic Wolverine defense, so you can bet Sparty’s game plan revolves around stopping one particular player. The spear toters haven’t exactly been the model defense so far, but they’ve done well enough to let the balanced offensive attack work. Normally, a big rivalry game favors the home team, but with Mark Dantonio’s recent health woes, you know the green and white will be playing extra hard for him. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Michigan

LSU at Florida

It’s a matchup between the two SEC division leaders when the Bayou Bengals head into the swamp to take on Urban Meyer and his crocs. After winning the last two games by a touchdown or less, Les Miles would love to run up the score in Gainesville. That could be a tough mission, since the Gators haven’t given up more than 17 points in a home game. With the offense declawed, the visiting felines will have to rely on their ferocious defense. This could be a low-scoring game, and I’m not sure how much more distance Miles can get in these close ones. Beonard’s loser? In an upset, LSU

Purdue at Northwestern

Danny Hope is said to be taking his squad into Evanston on an ambulance, since they’re likely to need one by the end of the game. The offense has been plagued by injuries and they’re not likely to get very far against Pat Fitzgerald’s 18 points-per-game defense. The Cats have had Purdue’s number in the past few years, and it’s hard to see any way that they don’t derail the locomotive. Fortunately, there are likely a few future doctors in the house. Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Well, my friends, that covers it for this week. Come back here next week when we’ll have more losers!

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 5

Posted on October 1, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Due to time constraints, this week’s Beonard’s Losers has not been recorded.

Due to technical problems, this post came out after the games were played. I promise I didn’t change any of my predictions.

Howdy, football fans! I’d like to say something here, but as a Purdue alum, I’m afraid I’ll tear my ACL. So let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Ohio State at Illinois

The Chambana tribe’s schedule takes a turn for the difficult this weekend when Jim Tressel’s nuts march into Memorial Stadium. After a tough game against Northern Illinois, Ron Zook’s squad needs to tighten up if they hope to scalp the number two team in the country. Unfortunately for them, the Bucs will dominate this game. Beonard’s loser? Illinois

Northwestern at Minnesota

Pat Fitzgerald’s purple kittens stalk into the Gopher hole on Saturday, looking to hand the gilded rodents their fourth straight loss. Tim Brewster, meanwhile, really wants a home win to keep his job another week. The chipmunks have been good at moving the ball through the air, but they won’t be able to match the visitors. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Texas vs Oklahoma

After getting surprised by UCLA last weekend, the cattle are anxious to redeem themselves by hooking the Norman wagon train. Their resume has been a little weak so far, and they’ve not been able to put up good numbers anyway. Bob Stoops’ boys have given up more points than they might like, but they’re still outscoring opponents by 10 points per game. Beonard’s loser? Texas

Wisconsin at Michigan State

The Greeks welcome Coach Dantonio back to the helm, and they’ll need his leadership against Bret Bielma’s Badger boys. Both of these teams rely on the run attack, so this will be a traditional “three yards and a cloud of dust” Big Televen game. This game will be won or lost by the defense, and I’ve got to think the rodents will be a bit more spear-resistant. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Michigan State

Michigan at Indiana

RichRod has gone from being in danger to leading an undefeated team with the second most rushing yards in the country. They’ll rush into Basketballtown to try to defile Bill Lynch’s rock. The Hoopsters are feeling pretty good about their team, lead by the potent passing attack, but they’ll learn a lot about their team this week. Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Florida at Alabama

It’s a matchup of tough, undefeated SEC teams in Bryant-Denny stadium. The swamp lizards have scored a lot of points with their balanced attack, but they’re going to have a tough time against the pachyderm defense, which has allowed a football-best 9.8 points per game in the first third of the season. Combined with a lethal running game, and the home team will be hard to beat. Beonard’s loser? Florida

Stanford at Oregon

The surprise of the Pac-10 will try to plant some roots in the Autzen Stadium turf on Saturday. To do that, they’ll have to contain the most offensive team in football, and that’s not just the uniforms. The quack attack averages a staggering 317 yards per game in rushing alone. They’ve only allowed 11 points per game so far, but 22 per game in the two games against BCS opponents. This should be an exciting game to watch, but I have a hard time picking against the Ducks in this. Beonard’s loser? Stanford

Notre Dame at Boston College

The annual battle for the Pope’s blessings takes place in Alumni Stadium this week. Brian Kelly could use a few blessings at this point, as his team has suffered three straight losses. Fortunately for him, the Eagles seem entirely average this year. In their only game against BCS competition so far, the East Coasters laid an egg. On Saturday, the yolk will be on them again. Beonard’s loser? Boston College

Penn State at Iowa

Two teams that have lost to ranked opponents, but haven’t played any other competition face off in Iowa City in a race that could decide who gets to go to Pasadena in January. Both teams have allowed 12-ish points per game, so it’s a matter of who can get the offense going. With Linebacker U’s linebackers looking questionable so far, the Hawks will have plenty of room for runs and short passes, so expect to see a lot of that. Beonard’s Loser? Penn State

Until next week, my friends, try not to be a loser!

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 4

Posted on September 24, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Listen to the show here! (mp3)

Howdy, football fans! It hasn’t been the best week for Michigan State. Shortly after their last-second overtime win against Notre Dame, coach Mark Dantonio suffered a heart attack. He’s out of the hospital now, and we wish him a speedy recovery. Then on Tuesday, a player was arrested for his alleged involvement in a laptop theft ring. The Big 12 has some mixed news, as it has gained nearly $7 million in exchange for losing Colorado a year early. Of course, I also have to mention this week’s Mascot Fight, in which Rufus Bobcat got the best of Brutus the Buckeye. You’d think that by late September the drama would all be on the field, but I guess it’s just not to be. So while we wait for more non-playing drama, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Austin Peay at Wisconsin

After a close call against Arizona State last weekend, Bret Bielma’s Badger boys will be glad to bring some easier competition back into Camp Randall Stadium. Austin Peay hopes to enjoy the luck that some other I-AA teams have had this year, but it’ll be the Governors that get vetoed. Beonard’s loser? Austin Peay

Ball State at Iowa

Kirk Ferentz’s flock got plucked last weekend, but on Saturday they return to the friendly confines of the Kinnick Stadium nest. The Muncie fowl need to snap their skid before heading into MAC play, and ruling the roost in Iowa City would be a great confidence boost. Unfortunately for them, the hometown birds aren’t likely to take kindly to strangers. Beonard’s loser? Ball State

Bowling Green at Michigan

RichRod can’t afford to take any opponent lightly, after narrowly escaping the Massachusetts milita last weekend. The Falcons fly in to Ann Arbor with the nation’s 29th best passing yardage — and a 0-2 road record. The Wolverine defense has allowed more points as each week goes by, and once again it’ll be the offense called to save the day. This game may be closer than most Michiganders would like, but they’ll be happy with the result. Beonard’s loser? Bowling Green

Northern Colorado at Michigan State

For the fourth straight week, the Bears play a team with “State” in the name. This weekend, it’s the East Lansing spear-toters. After last week’s dramatic win, Sparty could use a bit of a break, but the Greely gang are no slouches. They average over 45 points per game this season, albeit against weaker competition. With Notre Dame last weekend and Wisconsin and Michigan coming up, this has all the makings for a trap game. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Northern Colorado

Central Michigan at Northwestern

The purple kittens have gotten themselves off to a solid start, quietly working their way into the top 10 defenses in football. On Saturday, they’ll host the number four defense. With both of these teams better when they don’t have the ball, it could be a low-scoring game, but the pass-happy play should keep things lively enough. Pat Fitzgerald has shaped his herd into a force to be reckoned with, and they’re well on their way to a school-record third straight bowl game. Beonard’s loser? Central Michigan

Toledo at Purdue

The old gold and black locomotive picked up some steam last weekend in a win over Ball State, and it’ll need that momentum when Toledo blasts into the West Lafayette switching station. Tim Beckman and company oughta feel right at home in the Cradle of Astronauts, but that might not be such a good thing. The missiles have lost their only home game, and won both of their road matchups. On Saturday, however, they won’t be able to get into orbit. Beonard’s loser? Toledo

Alabama at Arkansas

The number two and number five scoring defenses face off in what’s sure to be a lively Razorback Stadium. The Tide D made it a full nine quarters into the season before they surrendered a touchdown, and last week’s dismantling of Duke was the first time a team has scored twice. The piggies, meanwhile, gave more points to Georgia last week than Alabama has allowed at all. Still, it’ll be tough for either team to move the ball. At the end though, there’s a reason Alabama is the top-ranked team. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Arkansas

Eastern Michigan at Ohio State

In yet another Big Ten-vs-MAC matchup, the Eagles fly into the Horseshoe to try and get their first win. Not a chance. Beonard’s loser? Eastern Michigan

Stanford at Notre Dame

After two straight losses to Big Ten teams — and you wonder why the Irish decided to remain independent — Brian Kelly will try his luck against the California tree. Stanford’s had no problem scoring points, having scored at least 35 in each of their first three games. Although the Pope’s boys can score too, they’ll really need their defense to step up if they hope to win this game. After a promising defeat of Purdue to start the season, Brian Kelly has looked more and more the sinner every week. Beonard’s loser? Notre Dame

Temple at Penn State

The most lopsided active “rivalry” in football kicks off in Happy Valley Saturday afternoon, with the Owls looking for their fourth win — not only of the season, but of the series. The winged professors have shown that they’re not the pushover they’ve been in years past, but Joe Pa’s kitties have their claws sharp. Beonard’s loser? Temple

Akron at Indiana

Just when you thought there couldn’t be any more MAC teams playing against the Big Ten this weekend, the Zips head into Basketballtown to take on Bill Lynch’s unproven squad. The winless kangaroos are nearly last in points for and points against. Frankly, I’m surprised that the cream and crimson aren’t defending the rock against Jackson Creek Middle School. Beonard’s loser? Akron

South Carolina at Auburn

Another matchup of ranked SEC teams is in store for us Saturday evening when Steve Spurrier takes his Cocks into Jordan-Hare Stadium to take on the Auburn kittens. Both teams are hoping to remain undefeated in conference play, but the home team certainly needs it more, with the depth of the SEC West. South Carolina has a stout defense, despite the 19 points they let Furman have. Meanwhile, Auburn has struggled to keep teams in the teens, and that just won’t work against this kind of opponent. Beonard’s loser? Auburn

Oregon State at Boise State

With the wheels coming off Virginia Tech’s season, Boise State needs to make the most of this second game against a ranked opponent. Mike Riley’s flattails haven’t had the best of luck keeping opponents off the scoreboard, and that’s a real problem when you’re playing on the blue turf of Bronco Stadium. Critics can say what they want about strenght of schedule, but when it’s the real deal, the Boise Broncs know how to ride off into the sunset victoriously. Beonard’s loser? Oregon State

Northern Illinois at Minnesota

The last of the MAC/Big Ten games kicks off in TCF Bank Stadium when the Huskies take on the “Please Don’t Fire Me. Love, Tim Brewster”s. This is quite the pillow fight and I’m not entirely convinced either team should win. I do think that things look very bad for Mister Brewster. Beonard’s Loser? Even if they win, Minnesota

West Virginia at LSU

Bill Stewart takes his squad down from the mountain to do a little bit of explorin’ in the Baton Rouge swamp. The visitors let Marshall go to overtime, so they’ll want to fix their defenses before they encounter the Bayou Bengals. Les Miles and company don’t seem to be able to throw the ball, but they can slink downfield just fine, and they sure don’t like letting strangers have their way in Tiger Stadium. Beonard’s loser? West Virginia

Okay, folks, that’s all I can come up with this week. Come back here next week and we’ll talk about some more losers.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 3

Posted on September 11, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Listen to the show here! (mp3)

Howdy, football fans! Not everyone is pleased with how last week went. Perhaps no one is more distressed than Frank Beamer, who watched his Hokes lose again, this time to I-AA powerhouse James Madison. Tim Brewster’s Minnesota squad lost to a I-AA team, too, putting his job in further jeopardy. It’s not hopeless for these guys, though. Take Kansas as an example: they upset Georgia Tech a week after their I-AA loss. Still, as the season goes on, these kinds of losses become harder and harder to take. So who will be a victim of a killer cupcake in week 3? Let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Ohio at Ohio State

After holding steady in the face of a Hurricane, Jim Tressel’s nuts will try to defend themselves against the Athens pride. The cats have been stingy on defense, but they haven’t faced competition like they’ll see in the Horseshoe. The lesson here is that these trees won’t make good scratching posts. Beonard’s loser? Ohio

Arkansas at Georgia

SEC play begins for Arkansas on Saturday, although it’s also the beginning of legitimate competition for the pigs. Neither team has been very willing to let opponents into the end zone, but Bobby Petrino’s squad may do just that if they keep looking at next week’s game with Alabama. This will be a close game, but it won’t mean much, except that the red clay hounds are better than their loss to South Carolina. Beonard’s loser? In an upset, Arkansas.

Kent State at Penn State

After a rough trip to Tuscaloosa, Joe Pa’s kitties will appreciate the return to Happy Valley. Kent State comes into this game amid a three-game road trip. The Flashes couldn’t get it done to start the trip, and that’ll continue this week. Beonard’s loser? Kent State

Massachusetts at Michigan

With the last-minute win over Notre Dame last weekend, the Wolverines showed that their fortunes may finally be turning around. They can’t rest just yet, though, as the Amhurst riflemen will be marching into Ann Arbor. The Minutemen have won both of their battles so far, but they’ll find these weasels too much to handle. Beonard’s loser? Massachusetts

Northern Illinois at Illinois

The Huskies start a three-game road trip with a journey down to Chambana to face Ron Zook’s tribe. The Illini had no trouble getting Saluki pelts last weekend, but they’ll find these pups a little tougher to tame. The DeKalb doggies have a good rushing attack, but they’ll find themselves rushing to week 4. Beonard’s loser? Northern Illinois

Ball State at Purdue

Danny Hope’s iron workers picked up their first win of the season last week in a lackluster defeat of Western Illinois. This weekend, they’ll face an in-state opponent in the form of the Ball State Cardinals. The Muncie birds lost at home to Liberty, and they’re not likely to fare any better against a locomotive — speeding or otherwise. Beonard’s loser? Ball State

Arizona State at Wisconsin

The Sun Devils take their unblemished record into Camp Randall Stadium in the hopes of burning the hair off of Bret Bielma’s Badger boys. The desert demons have averaged 47-and-a-half points in the first two weeks, but that’s hasn’t exactly been against top-notch competition. The cheeseheads have done their own cupcake smashing, and they’ll make sure it’s the visitors who end up singed. Beonard’s loser? Arizona State

USC at Minnesota

Things went from bad to worse for the Gilded Rodents last week when they lost to South Dakota. On Saturday, it goes from worse to worser as the L.A. wooden horse gets wheeled into TCF Bank Stadium. Despite the off-the-field kerfuffle, Lane Kiffin’s squad will be ready to do some varmint huntin’, and there’s not much the Twin City faithful can do to stop it. Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Indiana at Western Kentucky

Willie Taggart must be glad to return to the top of the hill after getting demolished on the road in the first two weeks. They’ll play host to a Hoosier squad that shellacked Towson, but remains mostly undefined. Bill Lynch needs the Basketballtown Boys to tune up for the start of Big Televen play in two weeks, and this trip to Bowling Green should do just that. Beonard’s loser? Western Kentucky

Notre Dame at Michigan State

The 74th battle for the Megaphone Trophy kicks off on Saturday in East Lansing. After a heartbeaking loss last week, Brian Kelly will try to earn absolution for the papal pigskin squad. Scoring points against the untested Spartan defense shouldn’t be a problem, but containing the potent rushing attack might be. In the past nine years, the home team has only won the trophy once, but that might become twice. Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Notre Dame

Iowa at Arizona

After two straight easy home games, Kirk Ferentz takes his Iowa City flock down to Tuscon to face off against the local feline population. Mike Stoops hasn’t seen his squad face real competition yet, so he might not know what to expect. What I expect is to see fur and feathers flying, and a bunch of neutered kittens at the end. Beonard’s loser? Arizona

Okay, folks, that’s about enough pigskin prognostication for one week. Join me again next week when we’ll have another crop of losers.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 2

Posted on September 10, 2010 by Ben Cotton

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Howdy, football fans! The college football season got off to an interesting start in places like Mississippi and Kansas. Of course, if you ask the crowds there, they’d prefer life a little less interesting if it’s all the same. Not to worry, though, we saw the traditional cupcake sacrifices, too, and none worse than the 72-to-nil whuppin’ that the Oregon Ducks gave to New Mexico. That stings from here! Fortunately, week two is a time to right the ship and try again. After all, half of the teams in college football are undefeated right now. With the pep talk out of the way, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

San Jose State at Wisconsin

Bret Bielma’s Badger boys are used to facing off against Spartans, but the Greeks they’ll meet on Saturday aren’t quite as impressive as the ones from East Lansing. Mike MacIntryre will try to get his first win as the leader of this army, but he’ll be lucky if the score’s better than last week’s 48-3. Beonard’s loser? San Jose State.

Illinois State at Northwestern

The Normal birds fly up to Evanston on Saturday to face Pat Fitzgerald’s purple kittens. Ryan Field has become less hospitable of late, and the Redbirds will need to have their claws sharp if they want to pull out some fur. In fact, they’d probably ought to go ahead and book a flight home, because I doubt they’ll be able to fly back on their own. Beonard’s loser? Illinois State.

South Dakota at Minnesota

After tunneling out of a second-half deficit against Middle Tennessee, the gilded rodents look forward to the relative ease of facing South Dakota. Coyotes have been known to eat their share of groudhogs, but Brewster’s buck-toothed brigade will come out of this one on top. Beonard’s loser? South Dakota

Michigan State versus Florida Atlantic

Although it’s not technically a home game for the spear-toters, it’s at least at a familiar battlefield. This will be to their advantage when coaching legend Howard Schnellenberger brings his flock of Owls up from Fort Lauderdale. Mark Dantonio feels like his East Lansing army hasn’t gotten enough respect around the conference, so he’ll probably use this weekend to try out a few things in preparation fro Notre Dame next Saturday. Despite the long view, the visiting nocturns will have a long flight home. Beonard’s loser? Florida Atlantic

Western Illinois at Purdue

In what may be the manliest matchup of the weekend, the Leathernecks will arrive at the West Lafayette switching station to face Danny Hope’s bartenders. After a tough loss to Notre Dame, the gold and black choo-choo could use a confidence boost. Fortunately, the leathery necks of the visitors won’t be too stiff. Beonard’s loser? Western Illinois

Florida State at Oklahoma

The Tallahassee tribe head into Oklahoma to get another win for their new chief. After a slaughter of the Samford Bulldogs, they’re feeling pretty confident, but Bob Stoops will have his wagons circled. The Norman wagon train had a good test last weekend and should be ready to fight off the invaders. Beonard’s loser? In a close one: Florida State

Iowa State at Iowa

After pulling out some dog fur, the Amesnado sweeps into Iowa City to try to reclaim the Cy-Hawk trophy. The winds might cause a bit of a problem for the pass-happy offense of Kirk Ferentz, but his birds know how to fly through a storm. This may be a bit closer than the past few matchups, but once again, the Hawks won’t be plucked. Beonard’s loser? Iowa State

Michigan at Notre Dame

Cardinal Kelly got his tenure off to a good start in last week’s excommunication of Purdue. This week, he’ll play host to the Wolverines. If anyone could use a blessing right now, it’s RichRod, who needs a few signature wins to keep getting signatures on his pay check. So long as the Domers can keep Michigan’s versatile quarterback in check, the Indiana Vatican will remain holy another week. Beonard’s loser? Michigan.

Miami at Ohio State

The ACC/Big Ten Challenge happens a few months early when Randy Shannon’s cyclone makes landfall at Columbus. The ‘Canes are used to knocking trees out of their way, but Jim Tressel’s nuts are unflappable. This will be a great game, but Sweatervest will make sure the trees remain standing. Beonard’s loser? Miami

Penn State at Alabama

JoePa’s kitties head into Bryant-Denny Stadium hoping to knock the pachyderms off their perch. With both a key defender and the defending Heisman winner stuck on Nick Saban’s bench, the visitors have a lucky break. Still, the felines line up with a freshman quarterback, who hasn’t faced this kind of pressure before. It won’t be easy, but the Tide will roll. Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Well, my friends, that’s about all I’ve got for you this week. Come back here next week when I’ll have more losers for you.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 1

Posted on September 2, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Due to technical problems, this week’s Beonard’s Losers has not been recorded. Sorry for the lack of audio, and also the late post.

Howdy, football fans! It’s been a long, crazy off-season. Conference shuffles mean the Big Ten and Big XII are about to get very confusing. Notre Dame continues to insist that the calendar says 1989. At least they’re not USC, which is facing a two year ban from post-season play. Or BYU who just this week hopped on the independent bandwagon. All-in-all, it’s enough to make you ready for the start of football season. Once again, we’ll be looking at the Big Televen, plus Notre Dame and a selection of top-25 matchups. Now that the introductions are out of the way, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Marshall at Ohio State

Doc Holliday’s Herd thunders into Columbus on Thursday evening, and will try to give their coach an unblemished start to his career. Jim Tressel’s nuts come into the season ranked number two, and they’d hate to give that up so quickly. The Bucs have a big trip to Miami scheduled for the following weekend, but Ol’ Sweatervest will keep them focused. Beonard’s loser? Marshall.

Towson at Indiana

The Tigers stalk into Memorial Stadium in the hopes of catching the home team playing a game of basketball. Bill Lynch needs his boys to defend the rock early and often if he wants to keep his job much longer. Fortunately for him, Indiana’s been fairly good at starting the season with a few wins. Beonard’s loser? Towson.

Minnesota at Middle Tennessee

It’s a color clash on Thursday night when Tim Brewster brings his gilded rodents into Murfreesboro to take on the Blue Raiders. The pedagogues are no slouches, winning their last six games on 2009, including the New Orleans Bowl. The groundhogs, meanwhile, haven’t won six in a row since 2003. It hardly feels right picking a Sun Belt Conference team to win against the Big Ten, but there you have it. Beonard’s Loser? Minnesota.

Youngstown State at Penn State

Have you ever seen a Penguin try to fight a Lion? Let me tell you, friends, it’s not a pretty sight. With Bobby Bowden out of the way, JoePa can run up the lifetime wins total without having to worry about any competition, including from the visiting team. Beonard’s Loser? Youngstown State.

Western Michigan at Michigan State

The Broncos start the season by taking a ride into East Lansing to take on the green and white warriors. Soldiers traditionally get along pretty well with horses, but these spear-toters would much rather fight on foot. With a fairly agreeable conference schedule, Mark Dantonio hopes to sneak his way atop the conference standings at the end of the season, and feasting on horse meat is a good way to start. Beonard’s Loser? Western Michigan

Eastern Illinois at Iowa

Unlike Youngstown and Penn States, this matchup favors the avian team. Iowa worked their way into the national championship discussion last season, and you know Kirk Ferentz will have his flock ready. Kinnick Stadium is just no place for kittens. Beonard’s Loser? Eastern Illinois.

Illinois versus Missouri

With the Arch Rivalry scheduled to go on hiatus for a few years, it could be Ron Zook’s last chance to win this contest. Mizzou has gone 5-0 in games played this century and the Chambana tribe ain’t too thrilled about losing again. Unfortunately for the natives, Zook’s squads have been masters of disappointment, and this hunting trip looks to end in disaster. Beonard’s Loser? Illinois.

Purdue at Notre Dame

With a new coach at the altar, the Papal pigskin squad will try once again to bring glory back to the Indiana Vatican. Adjusting to a new system is never easy, though, and the West Lafayette locomotive has already had a year with Danny Hope in the engine. If the conductor can keep from calling a timeout at the end, the train will roll on through. Beonard’s Loser? In an upset, Notre Dame.

Connecticut at Michigan

It’s not often Connecticut is a “must beat” team, but that’s very much the case for RichRod and his Ann Arbor animals. The winningest program in college football can’t be happy with a third straight losing season, and dropping the season opener at home would not be a good start. The Hartford pups fared pretty well in the Big East last year, but playing in the Big House is a different game all together. Beonard’s Loser? In a close one, Connecticut.

Northwestern at Vanderbilt

Robbie Caldwell had better be an expert deep-sea diver, because Vanderbilt currently sits at the bottom of the ocean. His salvage efforts will be hampered by Pat Fitzgerald and the purple kittens. It’s not too often we see the Big Televen and SEC face off, but the Dixie-dwellers would just as soon this game doesn’t happen. By the end of the day, the Evanston felines will be Nashville cats. Beonard’s Loser? Vanderbilt

Wisconsin at UNLV

For the second time in four seasons, the cheese-eaters head for the bright lights of the Las Vegas strip. In 2007, the Badgers only managed to win by 7 points. This year, the game should be a little more one-sided. Bret Bielma wants to come into the game against The Ohio State 6-0, and his boys will steamroll anyone who tries to get in the way. Beonard’s Loser? UNLV.

Well, friends, that’s about all I’ve got time for this week. Stay tuned for next week when we have a whole ‘nother crop of losers.

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Purdue football predictions — 2010 edition

Posted on August 28, 2010 by Ben Cotton

Finally, the college football season is almost upon us. Let’s take a moment and extend our sympathies to my wife, who will effectively be a widow for the next three months of Saturdays. I’ve got my tickets in hand, my jersey cleaned and ready, and my optimism at full throttle. Last year was pretty disappointing for Purdue fans, although there were encouraging signs. A questionable timeout at the end of the Notre Dame game might have been the difference between a bowl game and staying home. A respectable Oregon team barely managed a win at home, and eventual Big Ten champion The Ohio State got a big shock in West Lafayette.

The Boilers haven’t received much love from the national media (gee, doesn’t that sound familiar?), but that’s okay. If everyone stays healthy, and no one else ends up academically ineligible, Purdue could wind up being in the hunt for the Big Ten title at the end of the season. Of course, many of the games it takes to get there will be close, so the end result could vary quite a bit. Of course, I’ll be taking a look at each game week-by-week for Beonard’s Losers, but in the meantime, here’s my poorly-researched, quickly-written view of Purdue’s season.

At Notre Dame: The Irish are on their fourth coach (fifth if you count George O’Leary) this decade, and Brian Kelly has his work cut out for him. Notre Dame has a new quarterback who is recovering from a knee injury, and a new coach to learn. Notre Dame has some votes in the pre-season polls, but that’s more name recognition than anything else. South Bend is not normally a friendly location for the Boilers, but they should be able to get a win.

Western Illinois: Directional Illinois isn’t necessarily a guaranteed win, as Northern showed last year. Fortunately, Western is a less worthy opponent. There’s no excuse for losing this game.

Ball State: BSU isn’t quite the pushover they were back in 2004 when Kyle Orton and company hung approximately one trillion points on them. In fact, there was a time not that long ago when I considered the Cardinals the best team in the state. That time has passed, and I wouldn’t expect to see Ball State do much better than they did last season. This should be another confidence-builder.

Toledo: The Rockets have been a favorite early-season opponent the past few years, and generally help the Boilers get off to a confident, if overrated, start. Toledo will be a good final test before conference play starts, but shouldn’t be too challenging. There’s a reason I consider Purdue to be the MAC champions, and after this game they should be 4-0.

At Northwestern: It doesn’t seem to matter how good Purdue is, Evanston is always a tough place to play. Since this game is in the first half of the season, the weather shouldn’t be too horrible, but it’s going to take more than a nice fall day to turn this into a win. If senior quarterback Dan Persa can keep the offense going, Purdue will have a hard time winning this one.

Minnesota: Tim Brewster is the first of several coaches that Purdue may see the last of in 2010. In three years under Brewster, the Gophers have never gone .500 or better in the Big Ten and their best finish is a tie for 6th. Adam Weber needs a strong season, but without Eric Decker, I don’t think we’ll see anything better than “fair” from him. If the Purdue secondary can play at all, the Boilers should win this game.

At Ohio State: Some of the key pieces are back from last year’s matchup, notably Purdue defensive end Ryan Kerrigan, who gave Terrelle Prior nightmares. It’s tempting to pick Purdue to get the upset again, but it’s worth noting that this game is being played in Columbus, not West Lafayette. Not to mention the fact that the Buckeyes are pissed about last year’s game and will be out for revenge. This won’t be a guaranteed loss for the Boilers, but it’s likely.

At Illinois: Boy, this team is hard to gauge. Ron Zook has a talent for recruiting good teams that under-perform. He’s the second coach that may be packing his bags at the end of the season; it’s just hard to imagine that Illinois would be content with another disappointing year. The Illini schedule is very front-loaded, so it remains to be seen how the team will handle facing Penn State and Ohio State on consecutive weekends. Frankly, I think it’s more likely that Purdue will lose this game than that Illinois will win it.

Wisconsin: Last year’s 37-0 shellacking in Madison can’t sit well with the Boilers. Purdue will be worked up for this game, but I’m not sure it’ll be enough. The Badgers should be good this year and all of the emotion in the world won’t fix that. This year’s matchup will be closer, but Purdue loses this one, too.

Michigan: Purdue has only beaten Michigan 14 times in the history of the sport, and never three times in a row. Yet that’s what’s at stake this November. If the NCAA hasn’t done him in already, a loss in this game pretty much guarantees that the Wolverines bring the RichRod era to an end. Michigan seems to be improving, but they won’t have enough to win this one, unless the two-game losing streak saps Purdue’s will to live.

At Michigan State: Purdue had the lead through three quarters last year, and, if they’d held on, would have become bowl-eligible. It seems like (and I’m too lazy to check) Purdue and Michigan State have been very well-matched the past few years, and this year should be no different. I’m not sure the Boilers will be seasoned enough to take away a win from East Lansing, but it should be a fun game to watch.

Indiana: Indiana has lost the last 2 matchups, and hasn’t won in Ross-Ade Stadium since 1996. They’ve got a good quarterback, and a few other pieces, but I don’t see much of a team. Bill Lynch is a pretty lousy football coach, and he may be done after failing again to reclaim the Old Oaken Bucket.

So that’s my look at this season. We’ll see how horribly wrong I end up being. If the above predictions hold true, Purdue finishes 7-5 overall, 3-5 in the Big Ten, 6-1 at home, and 7-1 in the state of Indiana. This would be a big improvement from the past few seasons, and might help bump up the flagging ticket sales. Boiler up!

Beonard’s Losers — 2009, Week 12

Posted on November 21, 2009 by Ben Cotton

This week’s predictions

Well, the college football season is beginning to wind down. I was finally able to find a #3 Purdue basketball jersey yesterday, so I’ve pretty much shifted entirely away from football at this point, which is part of the reason I was again too lazy to record this week’s show. But this afternoon is the Battle for the Old Oaken Bucket. The Bucket game is one of the biggest sporting events in the state of Indiana, and frequently a cause for…discord between my wife and myself. Silly IU fans. This game also determines the quality of the Thanksgiving celebration with my in-laws…more specifically whether or not I can discuss the subject of football. Fortunately, Purdue leads the series 69-38-6 and is 11-2 against IU since 1997. Boiler up!

I’d also like to take a moment to re-compare to my stats to the sports writers at the local paper. They also predict all the Big Ten games, but the number and selection of games from other conferences sometimes differ from mine. But still, here we are:

Beonard (FunnelFiasco.com) – 0.753
Jeff Washburn (Journal & Courier) – 0.736
Nathan Baird (Journal & Courier) – 0.709
Mike Carmin (Journal & Courier) – 0.700
Sam King (Journal & Courier) – 0.673

Beonard’s Losers — 2009, week 10

Posted on November 7, 2009 by Ben Cotton

This weeks show

This week’s excuse for not recording is that my wife has what seems to be a feverless flu. I do want to go on record as saying I think Purdue can beat Michigan, but I’m not sure they know it. This is about how I felt before the upset of tOSU: Purdue is capable of winning, but I’m not going to expect it. Enjoy your Saturday!

Beonard’s Losers — 2009, week 9

Posted on October 31, 2009 by Ben Cotton

This week’s show is posted, just under the wire. I’d also like to take a moment to compare my stats to the sports writers at the local paper.

Beonard: 0.783
(tie) Nathan Baird and Jeff Washburn: 0.762
Mike Carmin: 0.725
Sam King: 0.675

Now, we don’t always pick the same games to cover, but it does give me joy to stack up against the professionals.