The NCAA: stupid or really stupid?

There are few coaches in basketball that are so widely respected for both coaching ability and all-around-good-guyness as Michigan State’s Tom Izzo.  This is what makes his recent one-game suspension a thing of stupidity.  Izzo was punished for violating a new NCAA rule because someone “associated with a potential recruit” worked for a week at an MSU basketball camp for middle schoolers.  The amount this person was paid?  $475.  For services rendered, no less.  I have a friend who works at Purdue and her cousin is on a team.  Are we breaking the rules, too?

What makes this even more appalling is the lack of punishment for Cam Newton and several other Ohio State football players.  I’m willing to grant that the NCAA was unable to prove that Newton was involved in the dealing, and that no money apparently changed hands, but the same can’t be said for the Ohio State players who traded memorabilia in exchange for cash and services.  These players have all been handed five game suspensions, but they won’t be in effect until the 2011 season.  This means that they’ll still be playing in their bowl game on Saturday, and some of them will be in the NFL next year, which means they effectively face no punishment at all.

I feel bad for the student athletes.  They’re unable to make any money off their own effort while everyone around them is getting rich, but they’re subject to the arbitrary and capricious rulings of the NCAA.

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 14

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans!  Last week’s big loser sure wasn’t the BCS.  The moment Nevada upset Boise St., the BCS no longer was in the uncomfortable position of having to make excuses for excluding the Broncos from even the possibility of a championship.  Of course, it’s also worth noting that Nevada lost about a million dollars in bowl revenue by beating Boise.  Speaking of teams not in a BCS Bowl, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez was publicly mocked by a pop star this week after the coach cried during the end of the season banquet.  Fortunately for Rodriguez, the season isn’t over for the Wolverines, they’ll have a bowl to play in for the first time in three years.  The regular season isn’t over for some teams, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Illinois at Fresno State

Ron Zook’s tribe looked to be headed for a decent bowl game, until they suffered a late season collapse.  On Friday night, they’ll travel to Bulldog Stadium to take on the Central Valley pups.  The mutts haven’t fared very well against quality opponents, and they’ll need more than just a fierce bark to keep the visitors out of the end zone.  Beonard’s loser? Fresno State

Oregon at Oregon State

With a victory in the Civil War, the Corvallis chompers could wind up in the postseason.  To do that, they’ll need to pluck an explosive flock of Ducks.  Chip Kelly’s birds will play for the national championship if they win this game, so don’t expect them to overlook their rivals.  It’s hard to see that this game could even be close.  Beonard’s loser? Oregon State

Auburn vs South Carolina

With the rules questions for their quarterback solved, the Tigers can focus on winning the SEC Championship.  If they do that, they’ll play for the national crown in January.  First, they’ll need to get past Steve Spurrier’s chickens who want to get their first SEC title.  When these teams first met, the cats won by a touchdown.  This game may be closer, but the outcome will be the same.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, South Carolina

Florida State vs Virginia Tech

After losing their first two games, the Hokies reeled off 10 straight to win the ACC Coastal.  They’ll go for the conference title against a Seminole squad with two conference losses.  Both teams average just under 18 points allowed per game, so it’ll be up to the offenses to tip the scales.  The turkeys have scored at least 26 points in every game since the beginning of October, but the tribe average just three points per game fewer.  It’ll be close, but I think Frank Beamer has things worked out.  Beonard’s Loser?  In a close one, Florida State

Oklahoma vs Nebraska

It’s been rare lately to see balance between the Big XII North and South, but that’s exactly what we have this year.  Bo Pelini would like to take the Big XII title before the shuckers move to the Big Ten next year, but Bob Stoops has the wagons circled.  It’ll be a tale of two offenses, with the southerners in the air and the north on the ground, but in this battle, the south wins.  Beonard’s loser? Nebraska

And how about the one game from next week?

Army vs Navy

The Midshipmen sail into Philadelphia next week hoping to extend their streak to nine games.  Army seems to be at a disadvantage, though, gaining 40 fewer yards per game on the ground than their nautical counterparts. This may be one of the oldest and fiercest rivalries in college football, but it’s becoming a little one-sided these days.  Beonard’s loser? Army

Well, friends, that wraps up this season of Beonard’s Losers.  I’m sad to say that this will be my last.  It has been a real pleasure doing this, and I hope there is someone else out there who will continue the memory of Leonard Postosties, the world’s foremost pigskin prognosticator.  Get me out of here, Percy.

To the Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 13

Howdy, football fans!  The end of the season is almost upon us.  Many teams play their final games this weekend.  For some teams, the final game is for pride, but many teams are playing for bowl positioning or even a chance at the the BCS Championship.  So let’s take a look at this week’s game.

Auburn at Alabama

One of the best SEC West games this season has no bearing on the division.  Gene Chizik’s cats have clinched a seat in the SEC championship game, so now they’re playing to keep their likely spot in the BCS Championship game.  To do that, they’ll have to hold off the Tide in Bryant-Denny Stadium.  The Tigers have relied on their offense to outscore the opponent, but this game will depend on the defense.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Alabama.

Arizona at Oregon

Mike Stoops brings his kittens into Autzen Stadium on Friday afternoon with one goal in mind:  to pluck the Ducks and ruin their bid for the BCS Championship.  Chip Kelly’s flock had only 15 points two weeks ago against, Cal, but they’re still averaging over 50 points per game.  This may be the most explosive offense ever, and the Sun Devil defense just won’t be able to contain it.  Beonard’s loser? Arizona

Northwestern at Wisconsin

Bret Bielma’s Badger boys have their eyes on the Rose Bowl, but to get there, they’ll need the three-way tie at the top of the Big Ten to continue.  Their mission is to dispatch the purple kittens heading north from Evanston.  Pat Fitzgerald’s squad is missing their starting quarterback, so they puts them in a tough spot.  The cheeseheads have been nearly untouchable in Camp Randall Stadium this year, and it’s unlikely they’ll get cat scratch fever.  Beonard’s loser?  Northwestern

Michigan State at Penn State

Mark Dantonio’s spear-toters nearly saw their Rose Bowl chances slip away last week against a lousy Purdue squad, and they’ll have to be a little more careful in State College if they want to stay in the race.  JoePa has announced that he has at least one more season in Happy Valley, and he’ll need it to end the season on a high note.  The Nittany kitties are winless against ranked teams this year, and Sparty will make sure that trend continues.  Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Iowa at Minnesota

The gilded rodents stunned the football world with a surprise victory over Illinois two weeks ago.  They’ll close the season by hosting the Hawkeyes in TCF Bank Stadium.  Iowa needs to snap a two-game slide to get a better bowl berth, and they’ve got an easy opponent to face.  But at the Illini learned, the rodents may be down, but they’re still capable of a nasty bite.  Beonard’s loser?  Minnesota

Michigan at Ohio State

RichRod may have gotten the Wolverines back into the postseason, but there’s still an important goal he has not met.  The Columbus sweatervests own a 6-game streak in The Game, and it’s become a sore issue in Ann Arbor.  The visitors have the offense to keep up with the nuts, but the defenses couldn’t be further apart.  A win today could keep the Bucs in a BCS Bowl, so don’t expect to see an upset in the Horseshoe.  Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Notre Dame at USC

Brian Kelly ends his troubled first season on the road Saturday in Troy.  The Papal pigskinners will go to a bowl this year, even if they lose this and end up 6-6, but they’d much rather get the win.  Both teams have unimpressive resumes, minus a pair of upsets on November 13.  In this case, I have to go with the home team. Beonard’s loser?  Notre Dame

Indiana at Purdue

Both teams nearly pulled off an upset last week.  Instead, they’ll both stay home for Christmas and settle for battling for the Old Oaken Bucket.  The boys from Basketballtown have won this trophy twice in the past decade, and not in the West Lafayette switchin’ station since 1996.  Strength will be set against strength and weakness against weakness, but the train always has plenty fo steam for this game.  Danny Hope’s squad will clear the tracks, and perhaps rid Bill Lynch of the burdens of employment.  Beonard’s loser?  Indiana

Well, friends, that’s all I have for you this week, come back again next week when we’ll have more losers.

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 12

Howdy, football fans!  I apologize for missing last week, but it worked out well for me.  Who would have expected Minnesota to win a game?  Or for Utah to lose to Notre Dame?  For that matter, does anyone expect that Bret Bielma will be voted ‘Most Popular’ by the other Big Ten coaches after running up the score against Indiana?  Wisconsin may still actually be scoring points from last week’s game.  But we’ve got football on the baseball field and coaches trying to keep the paycheck coming, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Wisconsin at Michigan

Bret Bielma’s Badger Boys look to keep their Rose Bowl hopes alive in their last road game of the season.  With two straight wins, RichRod moves to .500 in the Big Ten this season and, mo re importantly, keeps himself from getting thrown to the curb.  The hometown animals will need to use every bit of their offensive prowess to stay in this game, as the cheeseheads have made it clear what they do to lousy defenses.  Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Purdue at Michigan State

Danny Hope’s bartenders have the distinction of being the only team that failed to score an offensive touchdown against one of the country’s worst defenses.  They’ll have to do better than that if they want to pull off an upset in East Lansing on Saturday.  Mark Dantonio’s spear-toters  need this win to remain the front-runners for a trip to Pasadena.  I don’t see a scenario where they don’t decimate the visitors.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Penn State vs Indiana

Bill Lynch will try to salvage the season, and potentially his job, this weekend.  He can thank the IU athletic department for this game being played in Landover, Maryland instead of Bloomington, and that probably won’t do his team any favors.  Joe Pa’s kittens have had a rough time getting to the end zone this year, but against a team that gave up 83 points last week, they should do fine.  Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Ohio State at Iowa

The birds would like nothing more than to help determine the Big Ten champion by knocking off Jim Tressel’s nuts in Kinnick Stadium.  Two of the top 10 scoring defenses in country will make this game one for the ages, but Kirk Ferentz will need more reliable offensive production than he’s seen if he hopes to keep from breaking his beak.  Beonard’s loser?  Iowa

Illinois at Northwestern

This may be the most embarrassing game of football played all season, and it has nothing to do with the players.  Due to safety concerns at Wrigley Field, both teams will try for the same end zone for the entire game.  With Northwestern’s quarterback out for the season, I can only guess that the Illini signal caller will be under center for both teams.  Maybe we’ll just have a game of two-hand touch.  Beonard’s loser? Northwestern, the Big Ten, and football fans everywhere

Army vs Notre Dame

In another football-game-played-in-a-baseball-stadium moment of brilliance, Army takes on the Fighting Irish in Yankee Stadium.  At least there’s enough room there for two end zones.  Army is in the unusual position of being able to prevent Notre Dame from becoming bowl eligible while having already qualified themselves.  Unfortunately for the Black Knights, the task may not prove as easy as some of their other wins have been.  Still, Brian Kelly’s squad has shown the ability to lose badly to service academies, so all is not lost for the West Pointers.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Army.

Well, friends, that’s all I can muster this week.  Come back again next week when we’ll have some Thanksgiving losers.

to the Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 10

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans!  I must apologize for last week’s embarrassing performance.  In my defense, who would have expected Michigan State and Missouri to lay an egg on the same weekend?  And who could have foreseen Tulsa defeating Notre Dame — an outcome that will no doubt put a bit more pressure on Brian Kelly.  Undoubtedly, the tragic death of Declan Sullivan weighed on the minds of those in the Indiana Vatican last weekend, and we here at Beonard’s Losers offer our condolences.  Still, in the wake of tragedy, the show goes on, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Wisconsin at Purdue

Danny Hope’s battered squad lost another player to a season-ending injury last weekend.  The Badgers, meanwhile, are well-rested and in a four-way race for the Big Ten title.  Is there a word for when a derailed train goes further off the tracks?  Because that’s what we’ll see in Ross-Ade Stadium.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Minnesota at Michigan State

Mark Dantonio’s squad decided to take their bye week a few Saturdays early.  That’s the only explanation for their terrible performance in Iowa City.  Fortunately, they’re still tied for the lead in the Big Ten with a easy schedule to finish the season.  They’ll probably take out their frustration on a pack of rodents that seems to have given up all hope, having lost eight straight and their coach.  This won’t be pretty, but hopefully the spear-toters will skewer the groundhogs quickly.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Iowa at Indiana

Fans of both teams will recall the near-victory by the Hoosiers in Iowa City last year.  Kirk Ferentz will look to avoid the need for any more miracles when he swoops into Bloomington on Saturday.  If the birds can use their rigid defense to stop the potent passing attack of the basketballers, their offense will peck the home team to death.  Beonard’s loser?  Indiana

Illinois at Michigan

Ron Zook’s tribe may have three losses this year, but they’re all to teams in the top 15 of the BCS standings as of this week.  Two of Michigan’s three losses have come against top-tier teams, too, but they’re on a bit of a slide lately.  A win on Saturday keeps the folks in Ann Arbor from grabbing their pitchforks, but RichRod won’t escape that easily.  Even if the Wolverines can put their offense in gear, the defense will do them in.  Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Baylor at Oklahoma State

Baylor leads the Big XII South.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Baylor leads the Big XII South, but the Cowboys are gunning for that spot.  To do that, they’ll use their 45 points-per-game offense.  But the Bears aren’t so easy to take down:  their offense can rack up the points too, and their defense is about what you’d expect from an angry ursine.  The balls will be flying in Boone Pickens Stadium, and the ranch hands will eventually tame the wild beast.  Beonard’s loser? Baylor

TCU at Utah

Two undefeated teams battle for the right to be completely ignored by the BCS on Saturday.  Both sides have been prone to obliterating opponents, which isn’t too surprising given the kind of competition they’ve faced.  Kyle Whittingham would love to win one last Mountain West championship before moving to the Pac 10, but he’ll find the Frogs too Horny on Saturday.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Utah

Northwestern at Penn State

JoePa is looking for his 400th win this weekend, and it would be great to see that happen in Happy Valley.  Perhaps it might even be enough to quiet the rumbles coming out of State College all season.  The Evanston kittens are capable of ruining those plans, though, so the hometown cats had better stay on their toes.  The fur will fly, but in the end the visitors will need to find their own litter box.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Northwestern

Alabama at LSU

It’s a race to stay relevant in the SEC West on Saturday when the tide roll into Tiger Stadium to take on the bayoux bengals.  A win keeps Nick Saban and company in control of their own destiny, since a date with Auburn still awaits.  For Les Miles, a win just means he still has the chance to get lucky.  This will be a very interesting game and it should come down to which team’s offense will be able to move the ball, but by the end of the game, the Gumps will have caught a Tiger by the toe.  Beonard’s loser? LSU

Okay, friends, that’s all the Smart Pill Machine gave me this week.  Come back again next week for more losers.

To Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 9

Howdy, football fans!  This is the part where I’d make a few humorous remarks about the previous week, but the Smart Pill Machine is on the fritz this week, and I can’t get much out of it.  Before I waste what I do have, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Northwestern at Indiana

The purple kittens head into Basketballtown with the intention of breaking a two-game losing streak.  Bill Lynch’s squad will be defending their hopes of becoming bowl-eligible later this season in addition to defending the rock.  Unfortunately for the home team, defending is not something they’ve done much of this year.  It should be offense-versus-offense, and I think the felines are a bit more offensive.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Indiana

Purdue at Illinois

Danny Hope may have to start his fourth-string quarterback in Champaign on Saturday, which gives the tribe’s tomahawks an extra glint.  Ron Zook’s squad has allowed less than thirteen points per game against unranked opponents, and they should have no problem derailing the iron horse.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Tulsa at Notre Dame

The Indiana Vatican turns into the Golden Corral this weekend when the Golden Hurricane sweeps in to take on the golden domers.  After a tough loss to Navy, Brian Kelly finds himself going to confession for the fourth time this season.  The typhoon’s offense may be cause for alarm, but even the mediocre Notre Dame offense can score against the cyclones.  Beonard’s loser? Tulsa

Michigan State at Iowa

After blowing last week’s game, Kirk Ferentz and his eglets look to remain in the hunt for the Big Ten title.  To remain relevant, they’ll have to break the spears of the Spartans.  This is the last game standing between Mark Dantonio and an easy road to Pasadena, so don’t expect the visitors to be spending too much time on tourism.  The Hawkeyes have a stout defense, but they won’t be able to contain the rushing soldiers.  Beonard’s loser? Iowa

Missouri at Nebraska

The Columbia cats silenced their critics last weekend by upsetting Oklahoma, and they’ll try to cement the Big XII North with a win over the shuckers on Saturday.  Of course, the home team wouldn’t mine one last title before they jump to the Big Twen next year.  Neither team has been very stingy against ranked teams, but the Mizzou defense is a little bit ahead of the Land of Lincoln.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Missouri

Oregon at USC

The Ducks may be number one in the hearts of the voters, but the computers keep them in the silver medal spot.  A convincing win in the Los Angeles Coliseum just might fix that problem.  Lane Kiffin’s defense is going to need their best performance if they’re going to stop a team that hasn’t scored less than 40 points in a game this season.  On Saturday, we’ll witness the fall of Troy.  Beonard’s loser? USC

Ohio State at Minnesota

After blowing off some steam against Purdue, Jim Tressel takes his nuts to TCF Bank Stadium to take on the tarnished rodents.  This hardly seems like a fair fight, and if the Gophers have any dignity intact at the end of the game, I’ll eat my britches.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Michigan at Penn State

Last year, Michigan started 5-0 before ending with 7-game losing streak.  This year, Michigan started 5-0 and is on a 2-game losing streak that they desperately need to snap in Beaver Stadium.  Happy Valley isn’t very happy these days, with grumbles about whether or not it’s time for JoePa to retire.  If he wants to stick around another year, he’ll have to make sure he defense tightens up to contain the Michigan offense, but the Penn State offense needs some work too.  Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Well, friends, that’s all I’ve got for you this week.  Come back again next week for more losers!

Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 8

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans!  The football world is starting to come into sharper focus.  Except nobody has any clue who the top team in the country really is.  Fortunately, I’m here to help you sort through the confusion, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Michigan State at Northwestern

Sparty finds itself at the top of the Big Televen this week, and will keep that in mind on Saturday.  The purple kittens have had a week off to recover from their unexpected loss to Purdue, and they’ll need all eight of their remaining lives to survive this game.  Michigan State is due for a stumble, but they’ll make it out of Evanston unharmed.  Beonard’s loser? Northwestern

Purdue at Ohio State

The West Lafayette locomotive has picked up a head of steam, and Danny Hope will need the fire going full blast as he tries to clear the tracks of some Ohio trees.  After a punishing loss in Madison, Jim Tressel’s nuts need to avoid getting kicked in a repeat of last year’s “Purdue Harbor” upset.  Don’t count the bartenders out of this game, but I wouldn’t put much money on them either.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Penn State at Minnesota

With the Valley less Happy these days, Joe Pa probably welcomes the chance to go on the road against a team that his kittens can use as a scratching post.  With a mid-season dismissal of Tim Brewster, the Gopher leadership has shown that they’ve given up on this season.  Don’t expect to see much heart from the players either.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Indiana at Illinois

After three straight weeks of playing “State” teams, Ron Zook heads back to the Chambana campground for the easier portion of the conference schedule.  Up first is an Indiana team that struggled to beat Arkansas State at home last weekend.  The tribe have been tough defensively, and could prove problematic for the basketballers’ potent passing attack.  Bill Lynch needs two more wins to get the Hoosiers to their second bowl game this millennium, but that won’t happen this week.  Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Notre Dame vs Navy

After 43 straight losses, the Midshipmen are 2-1 against the Domers in the past three years.  Brian Kelly hopes to even the score in East Rutherford Saturday afternoon and extend the longest winning streak in his Notre Dame career.  Although neither team has been offensively potent, expect the Navy rushing attack to run all over the Pope’s boys.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Notre Dame

LSU at Auburn

It’s Tiger-on-Tiger action as two unbeatens fight for control of the SEC West in Jordan-Hare Stadium.  Auburn has allowed at least 27 points in conference games against teams not named “Mississippi State”, so they’ll need to put their 40.7 points-per-game offense to good use.  Unfortunately, LSU boasts the nation’s 11th best scoring defense.  On the other hand, Les Miles has had some remarkably bad clock management practices, and I still expect LSU’s luck to break at any time.  Beonard’s loser? LSU

Wisconsin at Iowa

After uprooting the Buckeyes, Bret Bielma’s Badger boys head into Iowa City to try to ground Kirk Ferentz’s flock.  This game should be a slugfest, but it will be hard to knock the Hawkeyes out of their nest.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Wisconsin

Nebraska at Oklahoma State

The Cowboys have ridden to a 6-0 record on the backs of their trusty steed “Passing Offense”.  On Saturday, they’ll welcome their first ranked opponent into Boone Pickens Stadium.  The shuckers have an an easy start themselves, which has allowed them to reel off over 300 yards per game on the ground.  This game comes down to defense, then, and the cowpokes haven’t exactly been the best of shots.  Beonard’s loser? Oklahoma State

Oklahoma at Missouri

Thanks to Wisconsin, the Sooners find themselves at the top of the BCS rankings this week, and they’ll try to hold on to that position when they head into Columbia Saturday night.  Gary Pinkel’s squad has some good stats through the first half of the season, but their resume is pretty weak.  Expect Bob Stoops to expose a few flaws in the Tigers.  Beonard’s loser?  Missouri

That’s all we’ve got time for this week.  Tune in again next week to catch more losers.

To the Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 7

Howdy, football fans!  If there’s anything worse than a loser, it’s a sore winner.  Last week, when Wisconsin went for two with a 25-point lead, the rest of the football world looked unkindly at Madison.  But we’re going to take a kind look at this week’s games.

Illinois at Michigan State

After leaving Happy Valley with a new fur coat, Ron Zook leads his tribe into East Lansing to take on the undefeated spear toters.  The Chambanites gave up 13 points to a struggling Penn State offense, so they’ll have a tough time against the potent rushing attack that Mark Dantonio’s squad brings.  Sparty will lose at some point this season, but not this weekend.  Beonard’s loser? Illinois

Arkansas State at Indiana

After losing the last two games, Bill Lynch will be glad to defend the rock against a Sun Belt Conference opponent.  The Red Wolves are thoroughly ungood and should prove a good practice for the Basketballtown boys.  Beonard’s loser? Arkansas State

Minnesota at Purdue

After an upset in Evanston, Danny Hope’s locomotive looks to clear the tracks of the invading rodents.  The northern visitors look to snap a five-game skid.  It’s a movable object versus a stoppable force in West Lafayette, but if the bartenders can move the football, they should roll.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Minnesota

Western Michigan at Notre Dame

Brian Kelly is 0-2 against the state of Michigan this year, but he hopes to improve that when the Broncos ride into the Indiana Vatican on Saturday.  The horsies haven’t been very impressive so far, and the Dome will stay holy.  Beonard’s loser? Western Michigan

Arkansas at Auburn

SEC West powerhouses face off in Jordan-Hare Stadium when the pigs try to take on the Alabama cats.  The Razorbacks may not be as prolific at scoring as their hosts, but they’ve got a stouter defense.  Gene Chizik hasn’t faced a loss yet this year, but I think that ends this week.  Beonard’s loser? In an upset, Arkansas

Iowa at Michigan

After a manhandling by Sparty last weekend, the Ann Arbor faithful remembers last years 5-1 start that preceded a second-half collapse.  RichRod’s job depends on avoiding a repeat of 2009, and that’ll require a good showing against the Hawkeyes.  The Iowa flock lead the nation in scoring defense and they now have a blueprint for shutting down the blue.  With a lackluster defense, the Big House will be a sad house on Saturday.  Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Ohio State at Wisconsin

Jim Tressel takes his nuts into the Great White North to defend their number-one ranking against the cheeseheads.  The Badgers rush attack will challenge the Bucs, but they may not have an answer when the roles are reversed.  One things for sure, though.  This week if Bret Bielma chooses to go for the two-point conversion, it’ll be because he needs it.  Beonard’s loser? Wisconsin

Well, everyone, that’s all I’ve got for you this week.  Come back here next week when we’ll have more losers, and hopefully no sore winners.

To the Beonard’s losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 6

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans!  It’s hard to believe we’re at Week 6 already.  Is the season shaping up the way you thought it would?  I’m sure Brian Kelly expected to have more than two wins at this point, and very few people expected an undefeated Michigan.  Mark Dantonio probably didn’t anticipate being hospitalized twice, but Danny Hope may have foreseen Purdue’s injury woes based on the play-calling we’ve seen so far.  But the past is behind us, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Indiana at Ohio State

Bill Lynch’s basketball stars have proven that they can score points — they rank 13th in points for, and 4th in passing yards — but they’ll have a tough time against a Buckeye squad that only allows 14 points per game.  Jim Tressel’s nuts have seen the end zone a few times themselves, ranking 8th in points scored, which could prove to be a challenge for the mediocre Hoosier defense.  This is proving to be a good year for the Hoosiers, but they won’t like what happens in the Horseshoe.  Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Minnesota at Wisconsin

The gilded rodents tunnel into Camp Randall Stadium on Saturday to try to get their paws on Paul Bunyan’s Axe for the first time since 2003.  Their best hope is to catch the cheese eaters still licking their wounds from last week’s loss to Sparty, but Tim Brewster’s squad hasn’t shown themselves to be much good at anything. Bret Bielma’s Badger boys have been outscoring their opponents pretty well so far, and the axe will likely stay in Madison another year.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Illinois at Penn State

Ron Zook’s tribe prepare for battle in Happy Valley on Saturday, looking better than they have in the past few years.  They hope to get the pelt of a sleeping kitty, but Joe Pa sleeps very lightly.  Although the Lion offense has sputtered, the defense has held unranked opponents to 9 points per game — just what you’d expect from Linebacker U.  This may be a rebuilding year for the Pennsylvania pussycats, but they’ll have no problem chasing away the Indians.  Beonard’s loser? Illinois

Alabama at South Carolina

The Tide continue to roll thanks to their nation-best defense and high-scoring offense.  This weekend, they’ll try to flood the Gamecocks out of Williams-Brice Stadium.  Steve Spurrier needs this win to keep the Gainesville reptiles within pecking distance.  This should be a fine SEC matchup, but I don’t think the home team can stop the rising waters.  Beonard’s loser? South Carolina

Michigan State at Michigan

Separated by one spot in both polls, these in-state rivals prepare for season-defining battle in the Big House.  RichRod has leaned heavily on his rabid quarterback to make up for the anemic Wolverine defense, so you can bet Sparty’s game plan revolves around stopping one particular player.  The spear toters haven’t exactly been the model defense so far, but they’ve done well enough to let the balanced offensive attack work.  Normally, a big rivalry game favors the home team, but with Mark Dantonio’s recent health woes, you know the green and white will be playing extra hard for him.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Michigan

LSU at Florida

It’s a matchup between the two SEC division leaders when the Bayou Bengals head into the swamp to take on Urban Meyer and his crocs.  After winning the last two games by a touchdown or less, Les Miles would love to run up the score in Gainesville.  That could be a tough mission, since the Gators haven’t given up more than 17 points in a home game.  With the offense declawed, the visiting felines will have to rely on their ferocious defense.  This could be a low-scoring game, and I’m not sure how much more distance Miles can get in these close ones.  Beonard’s loser?  In an upset, LSU

Purdue at Northwestern

Danny Hope is said to be taking his squad into Evanston on an ambulance, since they’re likely to need one by the end of the game.  The offense has been plagued by injuries and they’re not likely to get very far against Pat Fitzgerald’s 18 points-per-game defense.  The Cats have had Purdue’s number in the past few years, and it’s hard to see any way that they don’t derail the locomotive.  Fortunately, there are likely a few future doctors in the house.  Beonard’s loser?  Purdue

Well, my friends, that covers it for this week.  Come back here next week when we’ll have more losers!

to Beonard’s Losers main page

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 5

Due to time constraints, this week’s Beonard’s Losers has not been recorded.

Due to technical problems, this post came out after the games were played. I promise I didn’t change any of my predictions.

Howdy, football fans!  I’d like to say something here, but as a Purdue alum, I’m afraid I’ll tear my ACL.  So let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Ohio State at Illinois

The Chambana tribe’s schedule takes a turn for the difficult this weekend when Jim Tressel’s nuts march into Memorial Stadium.  After a tough game against Northern Illinois, Ron Zook’s squad needs to tighten up if they hope to scalp the number two team in the country.  Unfortunately for them, the Bucs will dominate this game.  Beonard’s loser? Illinois

Northwestern at Minnesota

Pat Fitzgerald’s purple kittens stalk into the Gopher hole on Saturday, looking to hand the gilded rodents their fourth straight loss.  Tim Brewster, meanwhile, really wants a home win to keep his job another week.  The chipmunks have been good at moving the ball through the air, but they won’t be able to match the visitors.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Texas vs Oklahoma

After getting surprised by UCLA last weekend, the cattle are anxious to redeem themselves by hooking the Norman wagon train.  Their resume has been a little weak so far, and they’ve not been able to put up good numbers anyway.  Bob Stoops’ boys have given up more points than they might like, but they’re still outscoring opponents by 10 points per game.  Beonard’s loser? Texas

Wisconsin at Michigan State

The Greeks welcome Coach Dantonio back to the helm, and they’ll need his leadership against Bret Bielma’s Badger boys.  Both of these teams rely on the run attack, so this will be a traditional “three yards and a cloud of dust” Big Televen game.  This game will be won or lost by the defense, and I’ve got to think the rodents will be a bit more spear-resistant.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Michigan State

Michigan at Indiana

RichRod has gone from being in danger to leading an undefeated team with the second most rushing yards in the country.  They’ll rush into Basketballtown to try to defile Bill Lynch’s rock.  The Hoopsters are feeling pretty good about their team, lead by the potent passing attack, but they’ll learn a lot about their team this week.  Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Florida at Alabama

It’s a matchup of tough, undefeated SEC teams in Bryant-Denny stadium.  The swamp lizards have scored a lot of points with their balanced attack, but they’re going to have a tough time against the pachyderm defense, which has allowed a football-best 9.8 points per game in the first third of the season.  Combined with a lethal running game, and the home team will be hard to beat.  Beonard’s loser? Florida

Stanford at Oregon

The surprise of the Pac-10 will try to plant some roots in the Autzen Stadium turf on Saturday.  To do that, they’ll have to contain the most offensive team in football, and that’s not just the uniforms.  The quack attack averages a staggering 317 yards per game in rushing alone.  They’ve only allowed 11 points per game so far, but 22 per game in the two games against BCS opponents.  This should be an exciting game to watch, but I have a hard time picking against the Ducks in this.  Beonard’s loser? Stanford

Notre Dame at Boston College

The annual battle for the Pope’s blessings takes place in Alumni Stadium this week.  Brian Kelly could use a few blessings at this point, as his team has suffered three straight losses.  Fortunately for him, the Eagles seem entirely average this year.  In their only game against BCS competition so far, the East Coasters laid an egg.  On Saturday, the yolk will be on them again.  Beonard’s loser? Boston College

Penn State at Iowa

Two teams that have lost to ranked opponents, but haven’t played any other competition face off in Iowa City in a race that could decide who gets to go to Pasadena in January.  Both teams have allowed 12-ish points per game, so it’s a matter of who can get the offense going.  With Linebacker U’s linebackers looking questionable so far, the Hawks will have plenty of room for runs and short passes, so expect to see a lot of that.  Beonard’s Loser? Penn State

Until next week, my friends, try not to be a loser!

To the Beonard’s Losers main page