Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 9

Howdy, football fans!  This is the part where I’d make a few humorous remarks about the previous week, but the Smart Pill Machine is on the fritz this week, and I can’t get much out of it.  Before I waste what I do have, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Northwestern at Indiana

The purple kittens head into Basketballtown with the intention of breaking a two-game losing streak.  Bill Lynch’s squad will be defending their hopes of becoming bowl-eligible later this season in addition to defending the rock.  Unfortunately for the home team, defending is not something they’ve done much of this year.  It should be offense-versus-offense, and I think the felines are a bit more offensive.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Indiana

Purdue at Illinois

Danny Hope may have to start his fourth-string quarterback in Champaign on Saturday, which gives the tribe’s tomahawks an extra glint.  Ron Zook’s squad has allowed less than thirteen points per game against unranked opponents, and they should have no problem derailing the iron horse.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Tulsa at Notre Dame

The Indiana Vatican turns into the Golden Corral this weekend when the Golden Hurricane sweeps in to take on the golden domers.  After a tough loss to Navy, Brian Kelly finds himself going to confession for the fourth time this season.  The typhoon’s offense may be cause for alarm, but even the mediocre Notre Dame offense can score against the cyclones.  Beonard’s loser? Tulsa

Michigan State at Iowa

After blowing last week’s game, Kirk Ferentz and his eglets look to remain in the hunt for the Big Ten title.  To remain relevant, they’ll have to break the spears of the Spartans.  This is the last game standing between Mark Dantonio and an easy road to Pasadena, so don’t expect the visitors to be spending too much time on tourism.  The Hawkeyes have a stout defense, but they won’t be able to contain the rushing soldiers.  Beonard’s loser? Iowa

Missouri at Nebraska

The Columbia cats silenced their critics last weekend by upsetting Oklahoma, and they’ll try to cement the Big XII North with a win over the shuckers on Saturday.  Of course, the home team wouldn’t mine one last title before they jump to the Big Twen next year.  Neither team has been very stingy against ranked teams, but the Mizzou defense is a little bit ahead of the Land of Lincoln.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Missouri

Oregon at USC

The Ducks may be number one in the hearts of the voters, but the computers keep them in the silver medal spot.  A convincing win in the Los Angeles Coliseum just might fix that problem.  Lane Kiffin’s defense is going to need their best performance if they’re going to stop a team that hasn’t scored less than 40 points in a game this season.  On Saturday, we’ll witness the fall of Troy.  Beonard’s loser? USC

Ohio State at Minnesota

After blowing off some steam against Purdue, Jim Tressel takes his nuts to TCF Bank Stadium to take on the tarnished rodents.  This hardly seems like a fair fight, and if the Gophers have any dignity intact at the end of the game, I’ll eat my britches.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Michigan at Penn State

Last year, Michigan started 5-0 before ending with 7-game losing streak.  This year, Michigan started 5-0 and is on a 2-game losing streak that they desperately need to snap in Beaver Stadium.  Happy Valley isn’t very happy these days, with grumbles about whether or not it’s time for JoePa to retire.  If he wants to stick around another year, he’ll have to make sure he defense tightens up to contain the Michigan offense, but the Penn State offense needs some work too.  Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Well, friends, that’s all I’ve got for you this week.  Come back again next week for more losers!

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