Beonard's Losers

2009, Week 5

Howdy, football fans. It was not a good week to be in the top ten. Four of those teams lost, and there are 15 teams who moved at least three positions up or down in the latest AP poll. After a week like this, there are bound to be a few coaches in the hot seat. Like Florida's Urban Meyer, who has to explain leaving a sick Tim Tebow in to get a concussion after going up 31-0 against Kentucky. Or Charlie Weis, who needed a last-minute touchdown and a gift timeout to beat a floudering Purdue squad. Or Ron Zook, who got blanked by Ol' Sweatervest.

Now, it's still only week five, and fans tend to have a short memory when you start reeling off the wins again. Conference play is just getting started in most places, so there's a lot of important games left to be decided. Let's take a look at a few from this week.

Michigan at Michigan State

Rich Rodriguez gets some grace from the fans as a second-year coach, but nearly losing at home to Indiana burns that up pretty quickly. Now he takes his squad on a tough road trip that starts in nearby East Lansing. The spear toters are looking to snap a 3-game losing streak and keep Mark Dantonio out of a hot seat of his own. Michigan looks very beatable this year, but the Spartans have shown no will to win the battle. Beonard's loser: Michigan State

Wisconsin at Minnesota

It's a battle for the middle of the Big Televen when the rodents face the rodents on Saturday. Bret Bielma's Badger boys hope to extend their winning streak to five, but they'll have to get by a one-loss Gopher squad that's got nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams have allowed and scored more than 23 points per game, so this looks to be quite the offensive battle. Unfortunately for the home team, the cheeseeaters have more balance on that side of the ball. Beonard's loser, in a close one: Minnesota

Northwestern at Purdue

Danny Hope needs a timeout to get his train back on the tracks. Unfortunately for him, there's football to be played on Saturday. The purple kittens will stalk into the West Lafayette switching yard looking to break a losing streak of their own. The Boilermakers have had luck against the cats at home in recent years, and it looks like they'll finally wind up on the winning end of a football game. Beonard's loser: Northwestern

Arkansas State at Iowa

Nobody outside Iowa City figured the Hawkeyes to be a top 15 team at the beginning of the season, yet here they are. On Saturday, they'll not lose any ground when they face the Red Wolves from Jonesboro. The birds are flying high, and the visitors will get nothing but droppings. Beonard's loser: Arkansas State

Alabama at Kentucky

After getting mauled by the Gators last weekend, Rich Brooks needs a trip to the vet for his kittens. But when the Crimson Tide crashes ashore on the bluegrass hills of Kentucky, what he'll really need is an ark. The Alabama slammers have outscored opponents by 100 points in the last three games, and this game doesn't look to be any different. Beonard's loser: Kentucky

LSU at Georgia

After squeaking past Missippi State last weekend, Les Miles takes his bayou bengals into the Athens dog pound. The bullpups have recovered from an opening week loss, to handily defeat their recent foes. The Dawgs have run up a high score so far, but LSU's defense is stout. Georgia may be undefeated between the hedges, but this time cats beat dogs. Beonard's loser: Georgia

Penn State at Illinois

Joe Pa just can't seem to get the best of the Hawkeyes these days. Fortunately for him, the Pennsylvania purrers have no such hangups with Ron Zook's tribe. They'll head in to Chambana to take on an inconsistent group of Illini. Illinois has their weapons at the ready, but they've got no defense against an animal attack. Beonard's loser: Illinois

Washington at Notre Dame

After opening the season with a blowout of Nevada, Charlie Weis's congregation has struggled against three of the Big Ten's most mid-tier teams. The South Bend faithful might be breathing easy with Washington coming in to town, But don't end this mass just yet. The Huskies have already shown USC why animals are best left outside. Still, with a few prayers, the Indiana Vatican will remain holy on Saturday. Beonard's loser: Washington

Ohio State at Indiana

If last week's questionable interception call was a sign that Indiana's luck is changing, this weekend will be the guided tour. Jim Tressel takes his nuts into their home away from home to take on Bill Lynch's basketball stars. For Ohio State, there's no such thing as an away game in Bloomington, and the hometown crowd will find that the rock can't be defended. Beonard's loser: Indiana

USC at California

Now that both of these teams have their embarassing losses out of the way, they're ready to start fighting their way back to the top of the Pac 10. Pete Carroll's pack of Trojan rides into Memorial Stadium on Saturday. The Berkeley Bears are still mending their wounds from last week's arial bombardment. Jeff Tedford's squad has given up twice as many points as the visitors, and they'll end up being hauled back to Troy as trophies. Beonard's loser: California

Oklahoma at Miami

The Sooners boom into Dolphin Stadium having won their last two games 109 to nothin'. Meanwhile, the cyclones failed to blow away Virginia turkeys last week. The dust bowlers haven't beaten a ranked team yet this year, but if their injured captain can play and be healthy, they'll be in much better shape. Miami hasn't faced an unranked team yet, so they're well-sharpened, but may be a little tired. This should be a good game to watch. Beonard's loser, in a close one: Miami

Well, my friends, that's all I've got for you this week. It's nearly time to kick off, so go to your local stadium and watch a game and we'll talk again next week.

back to the main page


return to main page