Beonard's Losers

2008, Week 4

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Howdy, football fans. You can thank Wisconsin for ruining what would have been two consecutive weeks of perfect prediction. Of course, the schedulers get a lot of the credit for my success. With the games we've seen so far, it hasn't been to hard to pick the loser. Now that we're starting to see more conference action, I fully expect to be wrong a little more often. So let's take a look at this week's games.

Troy at Ohio State
Jim Tressel got his fill of Trojans last week, so he's not too pleased to see another pack coming after his nuts. Fortunately for the Ohio obsessors, these fake horses have been in the Sun (Belt Conference) too long. Beonard's loser: Troy

Temple at Penn State
When the Owls fly into Beaver Stadium on Saturday, they'll try to use their wisdom to defeat the hometown felines. Joe Paterno doesn't give a hoot, though, and this game is over before it starts. Beonard's loser: Temple

Ohio at Northwestern
Saturday's catfight in Evanston should be more interesting than you'd expect. Ohio caught the attention of the nation two weeks ago when they nearly defeated The Ohio State University. The purple kittens are at the top of the Big Televen right now, and they'd trade all their catnip to stay there another week. The fur will fly, but the home cats will hold sway. Beonard's loser: Ohio

Florida Atlantic at Minnesota
The gilded rodents are starting to come up out of the basement this year, and unlike their groudhog cousins, there's no shadow to be seen. The Owls are full of fight, but the frigid furries can always duck for cover underground. Beonard's loser: Florida Atlantic

Iowa at Pittsburgh
Having defended their nest in decisive victories, the Hawkeyes fly east to take on Dave Wannstedt's Panthers. The Heinz Field faithful have already witnessed one loss this season, and it doesn't look good for them this weekend. The cornland birds will take a few scratches, but they'll wing home just fine. Beonard's loser: Pittsburgh

Central Michigan at Purdue
The West Lafayette locomotive blew its whistle last week, but ended up getting derailed by a flock of ducks. The Chippewas look to take advantage of this when they face Joe Tiller and company for the third time in a year. Fighting the Georgia Bulldogs may have been good training for the braves, but that won't guarantee success. In this game, it'll just be a matter of who catches the right breaks. Beonard's loser, in a close one: Central Michigan

Alabama at Arkansas
The Ozark piggies lucked out last week when their game against Texas was postponed. They won't be able to put off facing a real team this weekend when they play host to the Tide. Nick Saban's lunar oscillations have dominated their opponents so far. The 'backs may run for higher ground, but that won't keep them from drowning. Beonard's loser: Arkansas

Florida at Tennessee
The unpaid laborers get their first taste of conference action when Urban Meyer leads his crocs into Knoxville. The Vols kept it close against good competition, but that won't be enough when the Gators get a taste for man flesh. Beonard's loser: Tennessee

Boise State at Oregon
The biggest loser in this game will be college football fans everywhere, since nobody saw fit to televise this competition. The horses will ride hard into Autzen Stadium, but they underestimate the cunning of ducks. Mike Bellotti and company will have a few tricks waiting, and the cavalry hasn't faced enough competition to be ready. Beonard's loser: Boise State

Notre Dame at Michigan State
Offensive genius though he may be, Charlie Weis could apparently use a few lessons in dodgeball. Maybe lessons in dodgespear would be more appropriate, though, when he leads his Catholic crusaders into East Lansing. The 300 haven't lost at home yet this year, but they'll need to have their weapons sharp. Unfortunately for Mark Dantonio, the Megaphone Trophy has gone to the visiting team in every game played this century. Beonard's loser, in a close one: Michigan State

Wake Forest at Florida State
Wake Forest as a top-25 team? This must be basketball season. When the possessed preachers arrive in Tallahassee on Saturday, they'll try to prove that it's not just a trick of the devil. The 'Noles are benefitting from the same rankings black magic: playing against cupcake teams. Both of these squads will need to show their worth, but only one can come out victorious. Beonard's loser: Wake Forest

Ball State at Indiana
Neither of these teams are the same punching bags they've been in recent years, and it's easy to give Bill Lynch the credit. However, none of my Ball State friends are willing to do that, so I'll have to take their word for it. When the Muncie birds fly down to Bloomington, they'll find the rock well defended by Lynch's hoopsters. The two offenses have been equally productive, but the Basketballtown defense has been stingier. This should be a close game, and the coin I tossed says Beonard's loser: Indiana

LSU at Auburn
It's Tiger on Tiger in Jordan-Hare Stadium on Saturday. Control of the SEC West is on the line when Les Miles leads his kittens east. Defense will be the name of the game, and the punters will have tired legs before all is said and done. Still, only one set of Tigers can win this catfight, and it won't be the home team. Beonard's loser: Auburn

Georgia at Arizona State
It's been a while since the Athens pups made a trip this far west, and they'll look to mark their territory in Sun Devil Stadium. The solar satans have done well so far, but they haven't seen anything like the Bulldogs yet. Georgia may not have played the stingiest defense, but their offense will more than make up for it. Beonard's loser: Arizona State

Well, folks, you can't get any more out of me this week. Come back again next week when I'll have a fresh serving of losers.

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