Beonard's Losers

2007, Week 4

Howdy, football fans. Charlie Weis told the press on Saturday that the season was starting over. His team will spend this week repenting the past three weeks of football sins and start with a clean slate. In a way, he's right. With most conference schedules kicking off this week, we'll finally start seeing what teams are legit, and what teams are just dressed up in fox costumes. Let's take a look at this week's losers.

Purdue at Minnesota
The gold and black locomotive steams up to the Twin Cities on Saturday to clear the tracks of some rodents. The overgrown rats have allowed at least 30 points in all three games this season, and with the high-octane offense of the bartenders, the scoreboard operator will get a good workout. The gophers have racked up some points themselves, but this will be the best defense they've seen so far. Beonard's Loser: Minnesota

Penn State at Michigan
Lloyd Carr's maize and blue got their first win last weekend, and they'll have their claws sharp to greet the kitties coming in from State College. Joe Pa's felines have done a good job protecting their turf this season, and there's no reason to think they won't be able to do the same on the road. The fans in the Big House have seen Mike Hart run up the yardage, but a one-dimensional attack won't work against the Lions. Beonard's Loser, in a close one: Michigan

Iowa at Wisconsin
The Hawkeyes embarassed their conference with a loss in Ames, and they continue their road tour this weekend at Camp Randall Stadium. The Madison cheese-eaters were the saving grace of the Big Ten's reputation last bowl season, and they have their beady little sights set on the top of the conference heap this year. They've allowed over 21 points per game so far, but have still outscored their opponents by a pair of touchdowns. Iowa has aspirations of flying high, but they'll have to keep out of clawing range. Beonard's Loser: Iowa

Illinois at Indiana
The boys from basketball town are off to one of their most promising seasons in recent memory. They'll play host to Ron Zook's tribe, who are also looking to avoid the bottom of the Big Televen barrel this year. Between the two of them, we should see about every offensive plan known to man, as the Illini like to run and the Hoosiers keep it in the air. This game promises to be high-scoring, and at the end of the day, the rock will keep the home team from getting scalped. Beonard's Loser: Illinois

Northwestern at Ohio State
Speaking of embarassments, the Evanston kittens got possessed by the Durham imps last weekend in an outcome that nobody, not even your's truly, could have imagined. Now they have to take the show on the road and face the Ohio State nuts, who proved their legitimacy after pummeling Tyrone Willingham's canines. The cats will hiss and claw with all their might, but these nuts are just too tough to crack. Beonard's Loser: Northwestern

Michigan State at Notre Dame
The East Lansing spear toters take a trip down to the Indiana Vatican on Saturday to avenge last year's embarassing collapse. Charlie Weis has yet to see his domers score an offensive touchdown -- an idea he finds pretty offensive. Notre Dame has never started with four straight losses, but that comes to an end this weekend. Beonard's Loser: Notre Dame

Okay, football lovers. That's the limit of what I've got this week. Check back next week for a whole 'nother basket of losers.

back to the main page