Beonard's Losers

2007, Week 3

Howdy, football fans. I don't think it needs to be said who the big losers were last week, but I'll say it anyway. Michigan and Notre Dame have never been 0-2 in the same season until now, and when they face off this weekend, one of them will finally get a win. Getting a perfect score last week has me feelin' pretty cocky, and I want to start talking football, so let's take a look at this week's games.

Duke at Northwestern
The sad Satans come in to Evanston on Saturday at the bottom of the ACC-Coastal. In their first two games, they've been outscored by double or more, so they'll need to have all their demons ready to take on Pat Fitzgerald's fighting Methodists. The hometown felines are off to a 2-0 start, thanks in large part to an active offense, and they've got their claws sharpened to defend their home turf. Beonard's Loser: Duke

Akron at Indiana
Last week the Zips kept The Ohio State University to a field goal through the first half, but gave up 17 more points in the last 30 minutes. All of this while only scoring two points of their own. They'll look to redeem themselves when they head in to Basketballtown, but Bill Lynch's boys are playing with passion and intend to defend the rock. Their opponents so far have been soft (Indiana State) or just downright generous (how many turnovers can you have in a single game, Western Michigan?), but that doesn't mean the Ohio boys don't have cause for alarm. Only one team from the next state over owns Memorial Stadium, and it sure ain't Akron. Beonard's Loser: Akron

Pittsburgh at Michigan State
The Pennsylvania kitties (no, not them, the other ones) have mauled oppenents like Eastern Michigan and Grambling State, but they'll have a whole different game when they head in to East Lansing on Saturday. To say that the spear-toters are enjoying being the undefeated Michigan team is putting it mildly. I've never known an army that couldn't handle a few pesky felines, and after this week, I still won't. Beonard's Loser: Pittsburgh

Ohio State at Washington
When Notre Dame fired Ty Willingham, it may be the best thing that every happened to Washington. The pooches have struggled in recent years, but they're off like greyhounds in 2007, with two convincing wins. Jim Tressel hasn't taken his nuts on the road yet, but they look forward to the Seattle scenery. The Buckeyes haven't allowed a touchdown yet this year, and they don't intend to let the home team see much end zone, either. The Huskies will fight tooth and claw, but Ohio State and Boise State are two different teams. Beonard's Loser, in a close one: Washington

Buffalo at Penn State
Joe Pa's ferocious felines made short work of the South Bend papists last weekend, and one you've beaten Notre Dame, Buffalo is just a walk in the park. The Bulls are winless against ranked opponents this year -- and beating Temple hardly counts as a win -- so they don't have much of a chance of being happy in Happy Valley. Beonard's Loser: Buffalo

The Citadel at Wisconsin
The Bulldogs head into Camp Randall Stadium on Saturday to take on Bret Bielma's cheese-eaters. The hometown animals have dominated in their first two games, while the visiting pups have played schools you never even heard of. Now I wouldn't normally anger a bulldog if I can help it, but by the end of the first 15, it will be obvious who will be going home with their tails between their legs. Beonard's Loser: The Citadel

Iowa at Iowa State
This in-state matchup boasts two teams that have yet to play quality opponents. The big difference is that the visitng fowl have won both of their games, while the twisters have been rated F0. Home field advantage may be helpful, but it might not be enough when your opponent has allowed an average of 1.5 points per game this season. It is always a strange day when birds can beat tornadoes, but this flock is the master of its wind. Beonard's loser: Iowa State

Central Michigan at Purdue
The West Lafayette locomotive has picked up a good head of steam, and it will be ready to clear the tracks of natives when Butch Jones brings his tribe down from Mount Pleasant. Both teams scored 52 points in wins against Toledo earlier this year, and you might expect that the game would be rather close. Until, that is, when the Purdue offense begins raining touchdowns from the sky. So far, they have over three times more passing 6-pointers than the Chippewas. William Henry Harrison still watches over this area, and Indians should know better then to try to fight at Tippecanoe. Beonard's Loser: Central Michigan

Illinois at Syracuse
It will be orange on orange when Ron Zook leads his tribe into the Carrier Dome to take on the locals. The Chambana scalpers aren't exactly contenders, but they've scored four and a half times as many points as their New York brethren. This is just another case of the-game-is-over-before-it-starts. Beonard's Loser: Syracuse

Minnesota at Florida Atlantic
It is always embarassing when you have to go on the road to play a team like the Owls, but that's exactly what Tim Brewster's burrowers will be doing. The gilded rodents may lead the Big Televen in rushing yards, but they've also surrendered a whopping 33.5 points per game. The Boca Raton wise ones aren't exactly an offensive powerhouse, and even if the gophers don't like sunlight, they'll be able to tolerate it for long enough. Beonard's Loser: Florida Atlantic

Notre Dame at Michigan
Normally folks like to save the best for last, but in this case, we're saving the worst. It's hard to decide which team looked more pathetic last week, but when the dust settles in Ann Arbor this weekend, one of these storied teams will finally get a win. With Chad Henne out of the picture, the Michiganders will have to turn to their freshman quarterback for guidance. He'll be up against the Notre Dame freshman quarterback, who fared not-so-well-but-better-than-one-might-expect. The Pope's favorites have yet to score an offensive touchdown this year, and unless they can fix that, they'll wind up in purgatory. Beonard's Loser, in a pillow fight: Notre Dame

Okay, folks, that's all I've got for you this week. Check back again next Tuesday when I bring you a whole 'nother batch of losers.

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