Beonard's Losers

2006, Week 9

Howdy, football fans! I knew it had to happen one day, the Smart Pill Machine finally warmed up to me. Let's see if we can make it 2 in a row with a look at this week's Big Ten games.

Penn StateNorthwestern at Michigan
The folks that get to vote on these sorts of things finally decided to put Michigan where they belong - the number two spot. Lloyd Carr's Wolverines have sunk their teeth into this, and the only way they're gonna let go is if they take the top spot from some trees to the south. Northwestern blew their last chance for a win - at least for the next three weeks. Beonard's loser: Northwestern

Minnesota at Ohio State
The gilded rodents should be right at home in the woods, but these trees pack quite the punch. Ohio State is zeroing in on the national championship, and the Gophers can't get far enough underground to escape the pain Jim Tressel's nuts will inflict. Beonard's loser: Minnesota

Illinois at Wisconsin
Illinois had a surprise win 4 weeks ago against a struggling Michigan State squad. Since then, they haven't got a win of any kind. Meanwhile, the cheese-fed boys are on a roll after de-railing the Boilermakers last weekend. Wisconsin has a fearsome defense, and Ron Zook's tribe has nothing to match. Beonard's loser: Illinois

Michigan State at Indiana
John L. Smith may have been spared immediate termination in last week's comeback win over Northwestern, but the Sparties had better win out. This weekend, they stand a good chance against a Hoosier Hotshot squad that has only successfully defended the rock 40% of the time this season. Terry Hoeppner's boys got a jump on Ohio State, before allowing 44 unanswered points. That's gotta leave 'em pretty down. The spear-toters should get their second straight win against Big Ten sissies. Beonard's loser, in an "upset": Indiana

Northern Illinois at Iowa
I don't think anyone expected to see the Hawkeyes at 2-3 at this point in the season. The feathers started falling out against Indiana, and the Michigan Wolverines bit off a few more. This weekend, the dogs from NIU will try to finish the fowl off. The Huskies are 5-3, but don't have what you'd call "quality wins." The crowd at Kinnick stadium promises to be loud and proud, and by the end of the day, the hometown bird will be the Phoenix. Beonard's loser: Northern Illinois

Penn State at Purdue
Joe Pa would feel a lot better if this game were in Happy Valley. Joe Tiller's locomotive is young, but it shows flashes of brilliance. A flash tomorrow could blind the Pennsylvania pussycats and the teams would switch places in the Big Ten standings. The high wind will keep the ball on the ground, and on paper at least, the kitties are stronger. Still, I've seen firsthand what train versus cat looks like, and it ain't pretty. Beonard's loser: Penn State

Well, folks, that's all the Smart Pill Machine has for us this week. Time for a nap. Enjoy the games!

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