Beonard's Losers

2006, Week 8

Howdy, football fans! There was quite a to-do last week, and I missed it. Down south, the state of Florida showed why we all secretly hope a massive hurricane takes it out once and for all. Meanwhile, Indiana gives the world a stunner by toppling Iowa. And who would have thought Minnesota would have been at the bottom of the Big Ten barrel? So what's on the plate this week? Let's take a look.

North Dakota State at Minnesota
Minnesota hasn't won a game in over a month, and they find themselves at the bottom of the Big Televen barrel. On Saturday, they look to put a stop to that when they face North Dakota State. NDSU is undefeated against some pretty weak opponents. But then again, that's what Minnesota looks to be. This one will be a lot closer than it should be, and it won't be the home team that comes out on top. Beonard's loser, in an upset: Minnesota

Michigan State at Northwestern
After playing Ohio State and Michigan, John L. Smith will almost be glad to make the trip to Evanston to take on the purple kitties. The Spartans have taken a drubbing in conference play, and their awfulness is only exceeded by Northwestern's. This is really a contest of who stinks less. Beonard's loser: Northwestern

Illinois at Penn State
Ron Zook has been the chief of his tribe long enough that he should have more than 2 scalps on his belt by week eight. On Saturday, he'll lead his Illini to Happy Valley where they'll try to add a lion pelt. Joe Pa's kitties have only been scratched three times, at each time to a team ranked 4th or better. Expect to see the medicine man's tent to be full at the end of the day. Beonard's loser: Illinois

Iowa at Michigan
Iowa officially put themselves out of Big Ten contention last week in a heartbreaking loss to Indiana. Last week was a season low-point for Michigan, too. It was the first time Lloyd Carr's predators won by single-digits. That basically sums the game up. Two weeks ago, I would have given Iowa a small chance. Now...well, the fans need to wear helmets, too. Those Hawkeyes hurt when they fall out of the sky so fast. Beonard's loser: Iowa

Indiana at Ohio State
Terry Hoeppner's boys are riding high on their first Ben Ten winning streak in a decade. They'll take their high spirits into Ohio State to try and kick Jim Tressel's nuts. The Hoosier hotshots believe in their ability to upset the big boys, but Ohio State isn't Iowa. Game over. Beonard's loser: Indiana

Wisconsin at Purdue
Joe Tiller's locomotive is starting to pick up steam again, just in time for the cheesy rodents to come down from Madison. This game has important implications for both teams. Either squad could be poised to take the conference's Rose Bowl bid if Michigan gets upset. Wisconsin is the favorite in this game, which should be a shootout. Boiler fans will recall the 2004 matchup, which ended a Purdue run for the national championship. This year, the home crowd will be disappointed again. Beonard's loser: Purdue

Well, folks, that's all the smart pill machine has for us this week. Time for a nap. Enjoy the games!

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