Beonard's Losers

2006, Week 5

Howdy, football fans! Some big suprises last weekend left me with a less-than-sparkling record. I've spent all week tweaking the Smart Pill Machine, and this week promises to look better.

Illinois at Michigan State
Ron Zook's tribe got scalped last weekend and they'll look to get their revenge in East Lansing on Saturday. The home-turf spear-toters embarassed themselves last weekend and they couldn't ask for an easier way to redeem themselves to their Big Ten peers. I really don't even need to say it, but here it is - Beonard's loser: Illinois

Minnesota at Michigan
There was rumor among the Wolverine faithful at the beginning of this season that Lloyd Carr might be sent packing. Winning the first four games by double-digit margins has put a stop to that - these days the rumors are that Michigan will beat out the Ohio nuts for the conference championship. If Minnesota fans have such hopes, they're not saying it in public. After a tough trip to the West Lafayette switching station last week, they'll be glad to play in the Metrodome again. But the only thing the home field advantage will mean this weekend is that they lose in front of a home crowd. Beonard's loser: Minnesota

Northwestern at Penn State
Meee-ow. The Purple Kitties leave Evanston to visit Joe Pa's Nittany Felines. The visiting team has established a pattern - they win on the odd weeks and lose on the even weeks. That pattern bodes well for them, bu Happy Valley won't bring them much joy. Northwestern hasn't had a respectable win yet, and if the rain doesn't fall on the home cats, we'll see that the Pennsylvania kitties have sharper claws. Beonard's loser: Northwestern

Wisconsin at Indiana
Bloomington's canal diggers are sure glad to have Terry Hoeppner back. They've gone 2-0 with the coach and 0-2 without him. This weekend, the hotshots will try to defend that rock thing of theirs against a pack of Wisconsin rodents. The visiting team is bigger, stronger, and just as winless against real opponents. That won't prevent the cream and crimson from getting badgered, but it should keep the game from being a blowout. Beonard's loser: Indianaa

Purdue at Notre Dame
Joe Tiller's locomotive has picked up steam, and they'll travel down the road to the Indiana Vatican. The last time this game was played in South Bend, the Boilermakers won 41-16. This year's bartending squad isn't quite up to the 2004 team, but they've got an undefeated record to protect. The bead-jigglers have been anything but impressive over the last two weeks, and though the Pope may be infallible, Charlie Weiss is not. Beonard's loser, in an upset: Notre Dame

Ohio State at Iowa
The whole country has an eye on Jim Tressel's nuts. The Buckeyes head west to face Kirk Ferentz and his hawkeyes. Both teams are undefeated going into this week, but that can't last beyond Saturday. The Hawekeyes are legitimate contenders for the Big Ten title, and the Buckeye faithful would much rather have this battle at their own tree farm. This could very well be the best Big Ten game this season, and it'll be almost too close to call. Beonard's loser, in a close one: Iowa

The Smart Pill machine is bone dry now. I guess that means I should head on back to the barn and call it a day. See ya next week!

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