Beonard's Losers

2006, Week 4

Howdy, football fans! I have internet again, so this week we'll have some prognostication for you. I've coaxed a few more games out of the Smart Pill Machine, so without further ado, let's take a look at selected games this weekend.

Iowa at Illinois
Ron Zook is looking to add a few feathers to his headdress this weekend when a flock of Hawkeyes fly into his Illinois tribe. Drew Tate made a triumphant return last week, leading his birds to a 10 point victory over the in-state rival Cyclones. He'll look to get another win this weekend, and all the arrows the Illini can muster won't be enough to fend off the airborne assault. Beonard's loser: Illinois

Connecticut at Indiana
The Hoosier hotshots are 0-1 without their leader at the helm. This week they'll play host to a pack of wolves from the east coast, in what should be a total slap-fight. If we're lucky, someone will remember to hit with a purse. After a home loss to Southern Illinois last week, the canal diggers will need a win to keep from being the laughingstock of the Big Ten. They'll do it, but it'll take some effort. Beonard's loser: Connecticut

Northwestern at Nevada
With most of the Big Ten facing conference opponents, the purple kitties will travel out west to face the Wolf Pack. Although they both sound fierce, this will be a one-sided battle, with the home animals ending up with their tails between their legs. Beonard's loser: Nevada

Minnesota at Purdue
Joe Tiller's locomotive is picking up steam, and they'll look to clear the tracks this weekend. The gilded rodents from the north look good on paper - they've completely destroyed two opponents this year. However, they only real opponent they faced doubled their score. The bartenders have a weak defense that Brian Cupito should be able to exploit. All-in-all, it'll be a matchup of offenses. Beonard's loser, in a close one: Minnesota

Penn State at Ohio State
The acorns have national title hopes, and Joe Pa's litter will pose a serious threat. The Buckeyes have scored more in each game than their opponents have been able to score total. The Pennsylvania pride have had bad luck on the road, and they'll find that at the Columbus tree farm, the scratching posts fight back. Beonard's loser: Penn State

Wisconsin at Michigan
Lloyd Carr's Wolverines found out that their claws are sharp when they mauled a group of Indiana leprechauns. This week, they'll find their pack invaded by some cheese-eating rodents. Bret Bielema is undefeated in his career as the chief Badger, and he plans to keep it that way. His team will bite hard, but in the Big Ten, the home field is invaluable. Beonard's loser: Wisconsin

Notre Dame at Michigan State
Charlie Weiss and his bead-jigglers found themselves on the wrong end of an embarassing loss at the Indiana Vatican last weekend. They'll look to regain their luck when they travel to East Lansing to take on John L. Smith's spear-toters. The Spartans have been putting up good numbers, and momentum is surely on their side. In the end, the Irish will need a few Hail Marys to get back in the right column. Beonar'd loser, in an upset: Notre Dame

That's all I'm gonna get out of the Smart Pill machine this week. It's time for me to mosey on to the hay loft for a nap. See ya next week!

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